Posts

Rejoice Mortals! We the Gods of Olympus Have Agreed on a New Code of Ethics to Hold Ourselves Accountable

We swear there will be no undue influence at play in our decisions. And despite eons of previous allegiances, rest assured that the moment one ascends to Olympus they become completely neutral. So when Zeus throws a thunderbolt or Athena hurls the island of Sicily, be gladdened in knowing your divine smiting is 100% impartial. 

New Summer Pool Rules

No peeing in the pool, please! Instead wear a diaper into the pool, and dispose of appropriately later. No alcoholic beverages in or around the pool.  Be a goddamned adult and take drugs instead. And more!

Take Me Out to the New & Improved Ballgame

Zipline Substitutions: Instead of waiting forever for a new pitcher to reach the mound, he'll zipline in from the bullpen.

Pool Rules for Dan

No peeing in the pool. No bodily fluids of any kind at any time. So stop getting in the pool after you’ve had three Coronas, Dan. And keep your snot-nosed kids out of the water too. They scare me. The older one said he knows how I’m going to die. 

All the New Rules in Major League Baseball

Baseline obstacle accounting. Beehives will be played about every four feet along both the first and third baselines, and the bees will be angry.

The Rules of Baseball Caps

Let’s say the cap in question is an Expos cap. If someone else utters “Go Expos” or a similar phrase, you must express return excitement verbally or via a gesture. The sound or gesture must be such that a typical, rational person would interpret it as a sign of enthusiasm.

Origin Stories of Weirdly Specific Rules

This Burger King Ice Machine is For Soda Not For Genitals, Absolutely No Squirrels in the Indoor Hot Tub, and more!