New Summer Pool Rules

No peeing in the pool, please!    Instead wear a diaper into the pool, and dispose of appropriately later.

No alcoholic beverages in or around the pool.   Be a goddamned adult and take drugs instead.

No overly revealing swim attire.   Remember, it’s very difficult to pull off being sexy while also wearing a diaper.    Not impossible, but very difficult.

Please, no smoking near the pool!    Unless you happen to be smoking meth, and have plenty for everyone.

No running in the pool area.   Have you ever seen a toddler running around in a diaper?   Not very flattering.   Learn from their mistakes.

Leave the ouija boards at home.   Lots of kids have drowned in this public pool, which will cause your board to overload quickly and burst into flames.

No sexual activity in the pool and / or pool area.   Theoretically the fact that everyone is wearing waste-filled diapers will keep primal urges at bay, but just to be on the safe side, here it is in writing.

Please do not attempt to dose the flames of burning ouija boards by throwing it into the pool.