Best of 2023

Rejoice Mortals! We the Gods of Olympus Have Agreed on a New Code of Ethics to Hold Ourselves Accountable

“The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday released a formal “Code of Conduct” for the justices, responding to years of criticism that the nation’s highest court does not have transparent or enforceable ethics guidelines. – ABC News

Due to some recent concerns about the behavior of the Greek pantheon, we the Gods of Mount Olympus have released a new code of ethics effective immediately. And while these new guidelines are neither legally binding or enforceable – they do allow us Gods to individually reaffirm our commitment to be held accountable to ourselves by ourselves.

Previously the head of the pantheon, Zeus, has been publicly opposed to being “reigned in” so to speak. But times have changed and now he understands that yes some of you mortals are concerned that the only merchants to escape Scylla and Charybdis are the ones who just happen to take Poseidon fishing.

So from now on, all gifts, offerings, and sacrifices will be disclosed. Whether it is 1000 goat entrails or a single amphorae of olive oil, all will be made voluntarily known to the public. (We want to be clear to any wealthy patrons reading this that our code absolutely does not legally speaking stop anyone from giving us anything. Please feel free to continue sacrificing 14 noble citizens to minotaurs and such.)

We swear there will be no undue influence at play in our decisions. And despite eons of previous allegiances, rest assured that the moment one ascends to Olympus they become completely neutral. So when Zeus throws a thunderbolt or Athena hurls the island of Sicily, be gladdened in knowing your divine smiting is 100% impartial.

Moving forward all Olympus-to-world travel will now be scrutinized. There will be no more luxury ships of grapes and fanning servants. Now if a mortal woman catches the eyes of Zeus, he will be responsible for finding his own transportation, managing his own lodging, overseeing his own swan transformation, etc.

Even the human lovers of Gods will now be assessed. The next time Persephone decides to fund a hostile Spartan takeover, please know her husband Hades will give her a very stern speaking to.

And yes technically we’ve always had these rules. We’ve just never communicated this with the public. We felt that our dedication to the good of mankind was already so clear we simply did not need to. If there is one thing the Gods of Olympus are known for, it is how delicate our hands are when we choose to meddle in your mortal affairs.

So we have done this voluntarily because it saddens us to hear that we are considered capricious and unbound by rules. We would like to remind the public that there is a dignity to being on Mount Olympus, and many of us have worked tirelessly to be here. Does our history of valiant deeds and just rulings not speak for itself? No? Then we would also like to remind the public that we could be worse. Our forebears were the Titans who famously tried to eat their own children (us).

Thus we adopt this code of ethics and embrace a new policy of transparency. After all we, your immortal Gods, want you little humans to know we have heard your complaints and your lamentations. They are very important to us, as you are very important to us. Now let us be at peace and have no more talk of forcing anyone to explain themselves in front of the Athenian council.