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CARTOON: Killer Call

The HORROR! Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

#TerrifyingToys

Tragic 8 Ball, Fearby, Speak & Hell, and more #TerrifyingToys on this week's trending jokes game!

CARTOON: Scariest Costume

Gave me chills. Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

Classic Urban Legends Updated for 2020

The Stolen Kidney updated for 2020: A beautiful woman seduces a young anti-vaxxer. The following morning he awakens in a bathtub full of cotton balls to find his arms covered with band-aids and a document containing a list of all the vaccinations he received.

The Overlook Hotel’s Safety Measures for Reopening Now That We Know the Hotel Is a Sentient Being That’s out for Blood.

While it appears the hotel is a sentient being that has taken control of every caretaker we’ve ever had, turning them into psychopaths who have killed or attempted to kill their entire family, we want you to know we’re doing everything we can to keep it from doing that to any of our guests. However, since spiritual forces are notoriously difficult to contain, we’re legally obligated to alert you to the voluntary risks you’re taking by staying with us. 

Self-Care Tips For Zombies

Stay hydrated! A dehydrated zombie is, well, the same as a hydrated zombie, but it’ll give you something to do between feedings. 

Thanks For Selecting Our Airbnb, P.S. It’s Haunted 

Feel free to use both our washer and our dryer, we keep the laundry detergent under the sink. Before inserting your load, take the cowbell off the shelf above the laundry machine and ring it three times. This should scare the poltergeist enough that he vacates the washer. If he’s in the dryer, you’re out of luck – he really likes it there. 

#CreepyCandies

Reese's Body Pieces, BloodGushers, Rosemary's Baby Ruth and more #CreepyCandies in this week's joke game!

Scary Stories to Tell During an Election Cycle

Although from under his bridge he might tweet and offend / Don’t think for one second it won’t happen again. 

Examples of Accidental Magic

In 1934, Aida Cornfield, age six, mixed up the words to “Hush Little Baby” and brought her Raggedy Ann doll to life. The doll perished soon after when it panicked at its own consciousness and ran into the middle of Cedar Drive and was run over by Mrs. Abernathy’s Ford Model A.

The Tri-State Area’s Lowest-Rated Birthday Party Clowns

The Clown That Ran Over Your Dog While He Was Parking, and Diabeeto: The Clown That Needs to Give Himself a Shot Real Quick. Smile!