The Tri-State Area’s Lowest-Rated Birthday Party Clowns


Baggy, The Clown Who Is Not Ashamed Of His Colostomy Bag

The Faceless One

Ron the “Funny” Stepdad

The Clown That Ran Over Your Dog While He Was Parking

Diabeeto: The Clown That Needs to Give Himself a Shot Real Quick

Incel Jake

Son of Sadsy

The One Who Is Clearly A Dead Hobo With Some White House Paint Splashed On His Face

Esperanto, The Clown Who Loves To Mention That He Speaks Esperanto But Who Never Actually Speaks Esperanto


Dickie, The Clown That Inflates Balloon Animals With His Penis

Tommy Lee Jones

Cream-Pies-Full-Of-Bees Dan

The Clown Who Received Terrible News Just Before The Performance

Lead Makeup Charlie

Sadsy’s Brother

A Sentient Unicycle

Coughy, The Clown That Coughs

Just A Guy Who Eats An Entire Skateboard, Piece By Piece

Bozo’s Bitter College Roommate Who Says Bozo Ripped Off His Act

I Realize This Looks Like Blackface But The Clown Store Was Out Of My Usual Stuff The Clown

An Actual Bear