Things to Bet On In NY Now that FanDuel and DraftKings Are Shut Down

-300 Express subway train pulls away right as you get to the platform


Over/Under: 3.5 people on any given city bus who look like they’re dying in front of your eyes


+1200 A person on your bus dies right in front of your eyes


-130 Anti-Obama headline on nypost.com right now


-300 Botched Plastic Surgery headline on nydailynews.com right now


-500 A fond memory of Vanessa suddenly washes over you out of nowhere


Over/under: 9.5 McDonald’s breakfast items you order per week, just counting ones you order during straight-up dinner time


+130 Bro you just met at sports bar will go on at some length about FanDuel being a game of skill


Even Money: Same bro will insist on telling you how he has “too many dates” thanks to online dating


+110 Vanessa will heart one of your Tweets


Even Money: Teens on subway selling candy for “basketball team” vs. Teens on subway selling candy “not for any damn basketball team”


-180 Even though you’ve lived on this block for five years, you somehow never see the same people on the sidewalk twice


-700 Nothing in your Netflix queue will appeal to you at this particular time


-2000 Vanessa will come back to you (Vanessa please come back)