To Whoever Finds This Note

I’m sorry that it had to be you, but if you are reading it means that your life is in danger and you don’t have much time. On the table in the dining room, you will find a loaded bazooka next to a flak jacket and an arsenal of automatic assault weapons.

Next to those, you will find the banana in a brown paper bag.

Eat that banana.

I can’t understate the importance of potassium.

And you’re gonna need it, kid…You don’t know what these people are capable of. I saw one of them kill a guy just for looking at him the wrong way.

I saw another man kill another guy for looking at him the right way.

One time I saw a raccoon carrying an old Doritos bag down the street.

And another time I saw Hall Of Fame baseball player Ken Griffey Jr. at the gas station.

I waved to him and yelled “Hey Ken Griffey Jr. it’s me! I met you at another gas station once! Can I borrow a hundred dollars!?”

He immediately got into his car and took off.

Hands down the sweetest swing I’ve ever seen. It was textbook. It wasn’t just fluid, it was wet baby… Everything about it was textbook. From his stance to his follow through, nobody swung the bat like that guy.

He completely changed the game.

But, we need to get back to business… There’s no turning back now kid… The clock is ticking and they should be here any minute. You better get outta here if you know what’s good for you. If they find you they won’t waste any time going to work on you.

They’ll cut you up and feed you to the fishes and if you don’t believe me just look over at the aquarium in the living room.

You see that foot in there? That foot belonged to Hall Of Fame baseball player Ken Griffey Jr.

America’s sweetheart.

WHAT ARE YOU SITTING AROUND HERE WAITING FOR?! GET MOVING!

Bring only what you can carry and remember to stay low. Find a safe house and ask them where they got their safe house from. Once they tell you where they got it, go to that place and get your own safe house and don’t come out of it until the coast is clear.

Don’t worry about me kid. I went and got a safe house where they can’t find me.

I’m in a place where I can see a new horizon underneath the blazing sky.

I’ll be where the eagle’s flying higher and higher.

You need to be a be a man in motion.

All you need is a pair of wheels.

I left the keys on the counter top next to the microwave.

NOW RUN!

Best Wishes,

Bob Costas