Valentine’s Day Messages, as Dictated by My Kindergartner, Prior to My Suggested Edits
“Aria. You are my best friend. I love you so much and you will never stop being my best friend.”
“Liam. You’re great.”
“Olivia. Thank you for letting me borrow your pencil yesterday. I hope you get lots of candy.”
“Ava. Will you be my best friend? Actually, Aria is already my best friend. But you can be my best friend after that.”
“Henry. You are so funny with your tiny little smile.”
“Cameron. I hope you don’t get sent to the cool down zone on Valentine’s Day, because then you will miss the Valentine’s Party.”
“Aiden. You are my best friend who is a boy.”
“Eliana. You have the prettiest hair. If you ever grow your hair long and cut it, can you make it into a wig for me?”
“Micah. Don’t worry! I made sure your lollipop doesn’t have any peanuts so you can eat it!”
“Anna. You can be my best friend when Aria and Ava aren’t at school.”
“Chase. I’m giving you the biggest Valentine because you are the biggest kid in the class.”
“Miles. You sit next to Chase. You and Chase have the same hair color and the same face, but Chase is bigger.”
“Sophia. I really like your mermaid backpack. My mom says I can come over for a sleepover when she knows your parents better.”
“Emma. You should be best friends with Anna. Then you and your best friend Anna can play with me and my best friend Aria and my other best friend Ava.”
“Oliver. You are cute, like a cute little baby kitten, and I love you so much.”
“Hudson. You’re great.”
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Amy Greenlee lives in Sacramento, where she very occasionally writes to the sound of her small children screaming. She has previously written for McSweeney’s Internet Tendency