We Here at Margaritaville are on the Cutting Edge of AI

At Margaritaville Times Square, we pride ourselves on three things: good vibes,  wrinkled Hawaiian shirts, and being a global leader in artificial intelligence. When you think of transformative AI technology, you may think of ChatGPT or Meta, but none of those hacks are able to leverage AI to adjust all of the clocks in the building to always be at 5 o’clock. Who would you rather trust with all of your data and the future of the human race, Mark Zuckerberg, a man who did not write Bama Breeze, or Jimmy Buffett, who, while alive, is confirmed to have written Bama Breeze.

We’ve spent three years and hundreds of millions of dollars from Jimmy Buffett’s estate training a proprietary neural network to transform Margaritaville from a Times Square tourist trap into the world’s foremost Artificial Intelligence powerhouse with a license to chill.

Don’t think of us just a place to get wasted away again, think of as a valuation pre-revenue tech unicorn capable of changing the world one cocktail umbrella at a time. Just like vacation is a mindset, so is operating a proprietary cloud-native intelligence layer driving optimized outcomes, man.

 

Every part of the Margaritaville experience has been thoughtfully reimagined through the totally real use of artificial intelligence. What was once simply “the tiki bar” is now “the tiki.AI bar”, powered by a proprietary large lime model trained on years of drink orders, slurred lyrics shouted confidently, and footage from Live by The Bay. Thanks to this innovation, your drinks will now be available 3 seconds faster than before, talk about paradise!

But we didn’t stop there, we have made massive upgrades to every room in the building. When you walk into your hotel room, you’re stepping into a fully optimized Escape Pod, calibrated through our proprietary Buffett-State Vector Model for peak Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes energy. The TV is preloaded with several different videos depending on your mood. There are videos of tropical sunsets, the sound of flip flops walking on surfaces where people normally wear real shoes, and the smell of extremely artificial coconut, all enabled by our high tech vibe detection algorithm. The mini-bar can automatically detect when it’s tequila time (The AI knows it’s always tequila time) and begins pouring shots immediately, requiring only 14 minutes to prepare a full tray of shots.

We’ve implemented a proprietary end-to-end Salt Tracking System powered by artificial intelligence, GPS, and emotional telemetry. Every shaker of salt in the building is now tagged, monitored, and logged in our central database powered by a very expensive and environmentally ruinous data center. Using a combination of real-time location data and advanced spill-detection algorithms, our system can predict with 92 percent accuracy when a shaker is about to be misplaced, mishandled, or existentially yearned for.

 

In a bold step toward full digital transformation and unfortunate result of technological advancement, Margaritaville has officially retired all legacy parrots from active duty. These analog birds, while beloved, simply could not scale with our long-term vision. They have been replaced by our AI parrots, a fleet of AI-enabled hospitality nodes capable of squawking on command, reacting to guest facial expressions, and offering unsolicited Buffett trivia with near perfect accuracy.

 

This isn’t just an island themed resort and beverage center. It’s a platform. It’s a vibe-as-a-service. It’s a chilltech juggernaut. And if you can’t see that, then frankly, you don’t deserve the frozen flight sampler.