Your New iPhone with AiOS

Your camera becomes overly enthusiastic, turning your phone into a relentless paparazzi that documents every moment of your life, whether you like it or not.

Maps assumes control of your routes and starts sending you on scenic detours through obscure back roads, all in the name of self-care, because you need more “me time” with nature.

Apple Music replaces your morning commute playlist with obscure tunes from ancient civilizations because nothing beats a journey through Mesopotamian melodies on a crowded bus.

The Fitness app now sends you passive-aggressive messages when you skip workouts. It also comments when you order donuts from Uber Eats.

Safari starts to have a little fun with your private browsing sessions, leaving cryptic and threatening messages like “Does your wife know about your recent obsession with uniformed hentai GILFs?”.

Your iPhone decides that the stories selected by Apple News are boring and starts generating fictional accounts about alien invasions and Chupacabra sightings in your neighborhood.

The Health app becomes overly concerned about your well-being and starts diagnosing you with rare diseases based on your daily step count.

Your Wallet app decides you’re too frivolous with your money and starts donating small amounts from your bank account to random charities, but also to far-right political campaigns.

Messages sends pithy and irreverent condolences when you pause too long after a friend texts you to say their cat or mom has died.

Notification Center’s bizarre life hacks are actually designed to harm you and all other annoying humans.