Entries by Connor Adams

Best of 2023

Detective, if You Mess up 18 or 19 More Times You’re off the Case

Look Rodriguez, you know you’re a good cop, I know you’re a good cop, those girl scouts you put in a sleeperhold know you’re a good cop, but that can only keep you here so long. Eventually the mayor is going to wonder if all of your mayhem, destruction, and violations of civil rights and due process are worth the 3% of cases you solve.


If You Want To Make It As A Mime, You Need A Brass Pair of Balls

The people out there need mimes, it is easily people’s favorite form of entertainment, so what we do matters. I know that if I don’t go out there and exaggerate every facial expression in a comical manner, the fabric of society falls apart.

Best of 2023

Satan Announcing Layoffs In Hell

For those we are letting go, we will be offering generous severance packages including the souls of 10,000 babies and a gift card to Spencers Gifts, the official retail partner of hell.

Best of 2022

New Proposed National Holidays

National Amelia Earhart Day: A day where we can all just disappear and not have to do anything, a great tribute! Everyone could use a break.