Whistleblown
So this latest Trump fiasco is the result of someone finally getting fed up to the point of cracking, but c’mon… This can hardly be the first horrific Trump misstep worthy of mention. What else did this person witness that drove them to their breaking point?
In addition to the Biden-related threats, Trump also strongly encouraged the Ukrainian president to spare no expense in murdering their way to discovering the Colonel’s secret combination of herbs and spices used in the KFC recipe.
Several dozen calls wherein the president, apparently somewhat confused, must be told again and again that ordering prostitutes from GrubHub simply isn’t possible.
The president falls into a deep sleep suddenly and quite often while speaking with others on the phone; during these times, he mumbles in his sleep, mostly incoherent babbling (you’ve seen his rally footage, you know what we mean) and frenzied yammering about a nude Ivanka, covered with pancake syrup and thumb tacks, fleeing in terror through a dimly lit wooded area.
President Trump has been attempting to protest a Redbox late charge fee for the past seven years, and typically ends up screaming into the phone at automated systems, unaware that he’s not speaking to an actual person. His son Eric continues to watch the “missing” DVD, Paw Patrol Underwater Adventure, within earshot and full view of the president.
Trump was on the phone with the president of Ireland over the course of several days, making demands and voicing threats of military action if they weren’t able to “… do something about that damned leprechaun!”, after having watched several movies in the Leprechaun film series.
Many hours spent on the phone with local tattoo parlors, fervently searching for a place that can remove a tattoo of his signature from a corpse, while at the same time keeping it quiet.
The president spends countless hours on the official presidential line, shouting inane nonsense into the phone and believing that it will end up on Twitter somehow.
Trump clears his throat and makes a lot of weird old man noises while on the phone, and it’s just annoying.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
