You’ve Got an Alert: Shopgirl and NY152 Have Entered The Circle

NARRATOR: We’re here in The Circle! Let’s check in with NY152, aka Joe, who can’t stop thinking about his new bestie Shopgirl, aka Kathleen.

 

JOE: Circle, open private chat with Shopgirl. Message:

 

Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. Emoji of wad of cash with those wing thingies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew you IRL. Send.

 

JOE: No one can resist the F-O-X! [Does one crunch.]

 

KATHLEEN: Oh wow, I’m seriously blushing. Okay, but shit can get so fake here, I need him to know the REAL me. Message: 

 

Hey friend! Angel emoji. I like to start my messages to you as if we’re already mid-convo. I pretend we’re BFFs, as opposed to complete randos who just met in The Circle. Send.

 

KATHLEEN: Wow, that’s like, literally poetry. 

 

– – –

 

NARRATOR: It’s another beautiful day in The Circle! 

 

KATHLEEN: I really want to check in on NY152. After our amazing talk, I feel like I know him better than anyone now. [Scrambles an egg while reading a book.] Message:

 

Confession: I have read Pride and Prejudice about 200 times. Ugh I’m such a dork. Winky face. Send. 

 

JOE: Ugh, okay, time to Mr. Darcy this shit. Message:

 

I see you living that Lizzy B. life. #BeautyWithBrains. Send.

 

KATHLEEN: Oh, I knew he loved Pride and Prejudice! Message: 

 

I got that from my mother. She was soooo good at suggesting books to people that they’d really love. She was like a human Goodreads LOL. Send.

 

JOE: Goodreads? What the hell is that? Message: 

 

Haha, that is so funny. I’d love to meet your mom, she sounds legit enchanting. Send.

 

KATHLEEN: Okay, I hope things don’t get weird after I tell him this. Message:

 

She died and left her bookstore to me. Send.

 

JOE: Oh man. I feel so sad for Shopgirl. Message: 

 

She sounds like an incredibly strong woman. #RunsInTheFamily. Arm flexing emoji. Thank you for opening up to me. I got your back, Shopgirl. Kissy face, three of them. Send.  

 

– – –

 

NARRATOR: Things in The Circle are pretty quiet, and you know what that means. Time for an alert!

 

JOE: Seriously, another game?!

 

KATHLEEN: “Every player must enter one hot take, anonymously.” Ooh, this will be fun. [Brushes teeth while scrambling eggs and doing crunches.]

 

NARRATOR: Ooh Kathleen, we’ll see about that. Now that everyone has read the instructions, let’s see how it’s going:

 

PLAYER 1: Almost all hats are a mistake. 

 

PLAYER 2: The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. #IStillGoEveryDayThough 

 

PLAYER 3: Julius and Ethel Rosenberg looked old but they were really just our age. #ReallyMakesYouThink

 

PLAYER 4: We think this machine is our friend, but it’s not. 

 

JOE: Haha, this guy. I want to hate him but he’s just so genuine! 

 

– – –

 

NARRATOR: Now that things have cooled down after those hot takes, let’s see if the romance is still on fire for Shopgirl and her Mr. Darcy.

 

JOE: Hey! Last night was crazy, right? Just wanted to see how you’re doing. Send.

 

KATHLEEN: Aww, NY152 is so sweet. Message: 

 

Honestly I’m like sobbing. I’m just so afraid I’m gonna get cut. Crying emoji. Send.

 

JOE: If this girl is even half as attractive as a mailbox IRL, I’d be crazy not to form an alliance with her. Message: 

 

I could give you advice, I’m great at advice. Go to the mattresses. Fist pump emoji. Like from The Godfather! Send.

 

KATHLEEN: Ugh, what is it with guys and The Godfather? [Does Downward Dog while building a mini-replica of The Circle apartment out of eggs.] Message: 

 

We’ll have to watch it together sometime. Heart-eyes emoji. So what does that mean? Send. 

 

JOE: Oh YES I knew she was flirting! Message: 

 

LOL. It means you gotta fight to stay in the Circle. This is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death! If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you, babe. Time to hit the gym! Send. 

 

– – –

 

NARRATOR: Rise and shine, players! It’s time to find out what The Circle has dreamed up for you today. 

 

JOE: Alert time again?! “You may now send the Player of your choice one present to ask them out on a DATE?!” You got this Joe. Circle, send a bouquet of daisies to my best girl. 

 

KATHLEEN: Message:

 

I love daisies! Send.

 

JOE: Message: 

 

You told me. Send.

 

KATHLEEN: Wow, he really listens. I hope he’s not taken. Or a catfish. Or the Rooftop Killer… Message: 

 

Heart emoji. Rose emoji. Send.

 

JOE: I think I may be really falling for this girl. I wish I could save her, but I gotta be strategic. It’s not personal, it’s a game. [Eats twenty-four eggs while doing push-ups and brushing the teeth of a stuffed monkey.]   

 

– – –

 

NARRATOR: It was an emotional night in The Circle after Shopgirl was stood up for her big date.

 

KATHLEEN: I waited for NY152 all night but he never showed. I thought we had a real connection. 

 

NARRATOR: Oh, Kathleen! You are in for a surprise!

 

JOE: What is this alert? “Congratulations! You are now a super influencer. You must now destroy one player’s beloved family bookstore.” Shopgirl, I hope you will forgive me. 

 

JOE: Another alert?! “Shopgirl is on her way to meet you. Now.” 

 

– – –

 

[JOE frantically prepares 1,000 egg-salad sandwiches. KATHLEEN slowly marches down the hallway wearing a light blue cardigan over a perfectly tailored egg costume.]

 

KATHLEEN: Hello? NY152? 

 

JOE: Don’t cry, Shopgirl. 

 

KATHLEEN: I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly. 

 

JOE: I have to admit something. When we were talking, it was me, but it also wasn’t me. Do you get what I’m saying? 

 

KATHLEEN: No, what? 

 

JOE: Brinkley was with me the whole time.