Finally: The Most Comfortable Pants In The World That No One Will Say Look Comfortable: I’ve worn these outside the house at least twenty different times and not one person (knock on wood) has said, “I like your pants, they look super comfortable.” Instead, they just say the first part of that sentence and then stop. I am amazed!
How often should I take a sip of my drink to avoid answering? How long can I fake sip on an empty glass until someone notices? How long can I fake sip out of a fake glass until I notice?
An authentic democracy strainer, A good ol’ fashioned hope chomper, An honest-to-goodness reason for cable news anchors to tap smartboards and say “What are we looking at?” when what we’re looking at is actually nothing, and more!
A noisy pop-up. The Early Morning Afternoon Evening Late Night Can’t Escape It Show. With your host, You! And more!
Accentuate the positive!!!! But don’t overdo it.
NARRATOR: We’re here in The Circle! Let’s check in with NY152, aka Joe, who can’t stop thinking about his new bestie Shopgirl, aka Kathleen. JOE: Circle, open private chat with Shopgirl. Message: Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. Emoji of wad of cash […]
…, […] ..* and more!
When you accidentally eat some egg shell, that’s when your big toenail gets impossibly thick.
The eyelash on your co-worker’s right cheek that you wish you could just grab and make a wish on, but these are not the rules of polite society. Also bees.
To be quite honest, we are alarmed at the errors and misconceptions so wantonly presented in your lyrics. We squirted a day’s worth of ink to write you this letter, so we do hope you listen.
I’m still not sure how I died. Maybe I had a heart attack, or fell down the stairs, or those gummy vitamins were a scam after all. The only thing I know for certain is that dying and coming back as a cockroach was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll admit I […]