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6 Bosses You Need to Defeat to Get into a Manhattan Rooftop Bar

The Coat Man: When I made it up the glass stairs and saw The Coat Man glaring at my attire, I thought that I had accidentally peed myself. I soon realized that his look of disgust aimed at my lower half was because I had dared to wear jeans to this outing.

CARTOON: NYC Air Alert

Midtown or Mars? Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

I Have To Manspread on Public Transportation Due To My Massively Wide Chode

When you see me or any other man stretching out as if the subway is our own personal living room, know that it’s due to our penises being oriented horizontally and shaped like harmonicas.

What I’ve Learned Moving From New York To LA 

When you’re so depressed that you sleep through a beautiful day, you don’t have to feel guilty because it’ll still be beautiful out tomorrow. There’s a much greater diversity of industries in Los Angeles than I assumed: You can work in film, television, or film and television. And more!

At This Performance of “Hairspray”, the Role of Wilbur Turnblad Will Be Played by You, Get Up There

We are fully aware that YOU Are an AUDIENCE MEMBER Who came here with no intention of playing WILBUR TURNBLAD But like I Mentioned, it’s what our call sheet says...

I Am Happy with My Choice to Remain Childless. Also, Call Me “Uncle Jon.” You Must Care for Me When I Am Old. 

Your purpose isn’t to please your parents. It’s to find your own bliss, whether that comes from bar trivia, travel to destinations that allow you to bring your dog, or covering my rent once I’m too old to work but haven’t amassed a large enough 401(k) to last through retirement.

CARTOON: Stormy Arguments

Take the high ground, if you can find it. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Eloise is STILL at The Plaza 

I am Eloise. I am twenty-nine. I am an adult (ish). I STILL live at The Plaza. I know it’s not as cool to live in Midtown anymore. But my mom refuses to buy me a loft in DUMBO. Which is RAWTHER frustrating! So here I am living amongst tourists, tourists, tourists!

StreetEasy Listings From Your Broker, Edgar Allan Poe

With heat and water to mortals given - / But their electricity, without Verizon/ MUST YOU REALLY NEED THAT DOG OR CAT?/ As ample storage a plenty, uncommon as is/ Trade thy Australian Shephard for stainless steel appliances 

We’re Doing Nothing Effective to Reduce Crime, COVID, or Homelessness, but Here Are Three F**King Obvious Tips for Surviving a Nuclear Attack

It’s no secret that crime is up, social programs for mental health are nearly eliminated, COVID is back for the 137th time, and the city’s plan to eradicate homelessness by kicking people off the subway isn’t the miracle we’d hoped. But instead of wasting taxpayer dollars on city-wide programs that address the root causes of these real problems, the Office of Emergency Management is proud to present this 90-second PSA on three extremely fucking obvious tips on surviving a nuclear attack.

CARTOON: Boothless

Man of (might have to) steal some pants. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

CARTOON: Crypto Cart

Probably healthier too. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

CARTOON: Fancy Fountain

Damp, is in. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Your Holiday Streaming Guide

Chris-mas Cuomo-    When Santa finds himself in some hot water due to allegations of sexual misconduct from several elves in his employ, will his pal Chris Cuomo be able to save the day by working behind the scenes, gathering exclusive info at his job at a popular news network?     (HBO Max)

CARTOON: Bird Brunch

How fowl! Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

CARTOON: Spy Guy

Free streaming. Today's cartoon by Shannon Wheeler.

Rejected Friends Thanksgiving Episodes

The One Where They Spend Thanksgiving In The Hospital After Rachel’s Trifle Activates Ross’ IBS, The One Where Ross Lectures About How Turkeys Are Related To Dinosaurs And Chandler Fakes An Aneurysm In Order To Leave The Table, The One Where Monica Gets a Prescription for Lexapro And Enjoys Thanksgiving For the First Time, and more!

Additional Clauses to Your NYC Apartment Lease Rider: An Excerpt of a Handwritten Legal Document from My New Landlord

153) Absolutely no noise after 10:00pm, even television, on any given day of the week: I mean it, there are no exceptions to this rule. Although it is only two beats total, my cat is trained to wake me at the opening sound of any Netflix show.

CARTOON: Falling Down

Leaf me alone! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Cicada Flava

Snap, crackle, pop! Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein and Michael Shaw.

Your Brooklyn Dream Home, Now for Just 100k!

Look no further for your dream home! Located in a Cobble Hill Gristedes dumpster, this 1 sq. ft. hell hole is yours for just $1,038, plus $99k property tax. You’ll save on groceries because every night at 11:03 rotten tomatoes will be dumped right into your kitchen (and bedroom, living room, and also bathroom). Bring a positive attitude and hazmat suit.

CARTOON: Inclusive Reclusive

Social distancing before it was cool. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Semi Wacked

Only a quick nap with the fishes. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

3 Restaurant Concepts Built to Last Through the Winter of Covid-19

1. SNØRDNØRT: Inspired by Norwegian cuisine and culture, this outdoor-only dining destination welcomes the winter. “Of course it’s going to be cold outside. And dark.” SNØRDNØRT also employs a paramedic on-site, to tell you when you have legit developed frostbite and need to leave.

Your Favorite Orders on Timeless, the Time-Travel Food-Delivery Service

Recession Special from the Greenwich Village Gray’s Papaya, 2002: Our courier will bring you two hot dogs and a “banana daiquiri” drink whose taste is scarcely even related to banana. It won't be spoiled; he picked it up from 2002 five minutes ago, then jumped into his time-traveling Chevrolet Impala.

CARTOON: Fur Tree Folks

Don't get all sappy. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

CARTOON: Radical Movers

Totally tubular 'burbs bro! Today's cartoon by David Ostow and Daniel Salomon.

CARTOON: Rent Vent

Look out for the eviction fairy. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

CARTOON: Missing Something?

Missing something? Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Luckless

Also all pots of gold will now be filled with toilet paper. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

You’ve Got an Alert: Shopgirl and NY152 Have Entered The Circle

NARRATOR: We’re here in The Circle! Let’s check in with NY152,…

Know What Would Make Times Square Even Better? If It Was Way Too Crowded, It Was Midnight In December, And Ryan Seacrest Was There The Whole Time!

Whenever I make my way out to New York City, I always try to spend at least a few minutes in Times Square. See, while most people simply write off Times Square as being “too touristy” or “claustrophobic” or say that it’s “a garish, over-commercialized nightmare-prison that you should avoid at all costs”... I disagree.

Honest New York Signs

Know before you go! An illustration list, written by Evan Allgood, and illustrated by Evan Lian.

Talkward w/ guest James Folta

This spooky Halloween episode of Talkward welcomes humor writer and performer James Folta! James writes for The New Yorker, McSweeney's , Weekly Humorist and is the Managing Editor of Points In Case. James also is a co-founder of The Satire and Humor Festival which is in NYC in March but just announced a pop-up weekend in Chicago in November! Check it out here and go! We discuss Halloween costumes, writing, book publishing and James' current projects in writing and pitching new narrative humor podcasts.  Also, who knew how bad at math we both are! Jokes! James also teaches humor and parody. Follow him on twitter @JamesFolta and we'll see you at the festival!

CARTOON: Seasonal Strip

Show your branches! Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

CARTOON: Whale Whine

Time to move to the tail. Today's cartoon by Madeline Horwath.

CARTOON: Summer in the City

The train is coming! I swear I heard it, is it really here? I'm so weak. - Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz

Talkward w/ guest Jessica Delfino

Today on Talkward is musical comedy extraordinaire Jessica Delfino! Jessica is a critically acclaimed and award winning comedic musician who has performed her quirky comedy songs all over the world. She launched the New York Comedy Music Festival (first called the Funny Songs festival) in 2012. We discuss her newest album ‘Songs To make War to (14 Anarchist Anthems for the Whole Family)’ Botnik Studios, Mom Comedy shows and she reads host Marty Dundics with her 40% accurate Psychic powers!

What to Do When Your Phone Dies on the Train

Whisper “Siri please” into the rigid husk in your palm.

Under The Hudson Yards

In fact, one of the most ingenious features of this new facility is its ability to filter out the tougher and less tractable of the species – certainly, they may be allowed to enter and take a selfie in the Staircase of Confusion, but they will never be permitted to rest their heads anywhere near those of our prize sheep.

Thoughts on the Proposed Ban on Feeding Birds and Squirrels in New York City Parks, from the Birds and Squirrels

TINA, GREY SQUIRREL: They wouldn't be bothering with this ban if they knew how close they are to extinction.

Talkward w/ guest Jeffrey Gurian

This episode of Talkward welcomes NYC comedy legend, Jeffrey Gurian. If you don't know Jeffrey, then you aren't a NY comedy person, so get in the know! He's written, performed, produced comedy with so many huge names like Nick Kroll, John Mulaney, Amy Poehler, and Seth Rogen. Learn all about him and his new book!

The Best Spots in New York to Get A Little Quiet Writing Done

Onstage at the Al Hirschfeld Theatre: Do you have the old play-based creativity-inclusive content bug? Scratch that itch by standing onstage at the Al Hirschfeld during a performance of Kinky Boots and type away.

Talkward w/ guest Claire Parker

Today on Talkward is the lovely and funny Claire Parker! Claire is an NYC based stand-up comic, actress and frequent guest on You Up w/ Nikki Glaser on Sirius/XM Comedy Central Radio.

Talkward w/ guest Courtney Kocak

Today on Talkward is comedy writer and super star sex and dating podcast host Courtney Kocak! Courtney hosts the 'Reality Bytes' podcast- tune in every week for real talk about sex, love, relationships & dating in the digital age. We discuss having your gentiles molded in custom sex toys, her new experiences in standup comedy and being a writer for Amazon's Danger & Eggs!

CARTOON: Country Trees Visit The City

It's not worse, it's just different. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Talkward w/ guest Jeff Kreisler

Today on Talkward is author, comedy writer, behavior expert and…

CARTOON: Trump Blimp in USA

Everything else, pretty accurate. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Talkward w/ guest Kerryn Feehan

Today on Talkward is guest Kerryn Feehan! Kerryn is a comedian, writer, actor, model and comedy development extraordinaire! She produces and hosts a long running monthly show called Stand Up and Take Your Clothes Off! (It's first Sundays of the month! Get tickets here) Kerryn has many, many cringeworthy stories.

Talkward w/ guest Jason Kanter

Today on Talkward is comedian Jason Kanter! Jason performs all over the USA and also gets TV acting roles where he's been pigeon-holed as a skinhead more often then not.

Talkward w/ guest SallyAnn Hall

Today on Talkward is comedian SallyAnn Hall! She is the most recent winner of both the Laughing Devil Comedy Festival and the She Devil Comedy Festival. SallyAnn hails from Alaska, sings at Duets piano bar and is a regular on the NYC standup comedy scene.

Honest New York Times Wedding Announcements

Sasha, a graduate student in social work at New York University, and Henry, an angel investor and serial entrepreneur, met at a networking event hosted by the Harvard College Alumni Association in the City of New York, where they quickly discovered a shared passion for French pastry, expressionist painting, and pharmaceutical cocaine.

Talkward w/ guest Ginny Hogan

Today on Talkward is comedy writer and stand-up comic Ginny Hogan!…

Doggy Dancing- A New Cure For Loneliness

NEW YORK CITY – Leave it to New York City to come up with the…

Talkward w/ guest Adam Mamawala

This episode of Talkward welcomes comic Adam Mamawala! His new…

Talkward w/guest Andrew Collin

This episode of Talkward welcomes guest Andrew Collin! Andrew…

Wall Street’s Additions to Fearless Girl

PRESS RELEASE FROM STATE STREET GLOBAL ADVISORS. Due to the…

Talkward w/ guest Kevin McCaffrey

Today on Talkward is guest comic Kevin McCaffrey! Kevin is…

New Art Gallery Openings

Winter has arrived, why not go out and see an art exhibit or…