11 Times Politics Ruined Game Night

How politics ruined Settlers of Catan: “Look, Clara, can we just imagine that the island was uninhabited when we got there? I promise, no indigenous peoples will be displaced during gameplay.”


How politics ruined Clue: “Of course, Jessie. If a ‘good guy with a gun’ had been there, I’m sure it wouldn’t have been Colonel Mustard, in the ballroom, with the revolver.”


How politics ruined The Game of Life: “I know that it glorifies a traditional lifestyle that doesn’t match ours, but I couldn’t find a version where the players run away to California in their teens and join a polygamous, post-capitalist commune.”


How politics ruined Sorry!: “No, Uncle Randy, I meant ‘safe space’ as in ‘I’m protected in this spot on the board…’ Yes, we all know how you feel about PC culture and… No, despite the name, I wouldn’t describe Sorry! as ‘snowflaky.’ ”


How politics ruined Euchre: “I’ll admit it was funny the first time I said that ‘trump was led,’ and you immediately added, ‘… into questionable policy decisions by his blind desire to cater to his base.’ But when you repeat it every single time, it gets old quick.”


How politics ruined Candyland: “But, Kyle, I still don’t buy your argument that this game is homosexual propaganda, and I have no clue how you convinced yourself that Queen Frostine and Princess Lolly are lesbian lovers.”


How politics ruined Battleship: “Now that you mention it, I do see similarities between the rules and the United States military’s indiscriminate drone strikes in foreign countries. I’m sure, though, that nobody was thinking about that when they invented the game in, you know, the early 1900s.”


How politics ruined Operation: “It’s funny, I don’t remember there being this much paperwork required before Obamacare.”


How politics ruined Guess Who: “Seriously dude, this whole ‘I don’t see color’ bullshit is really slowing down each round.”


How politics ruined Jenga: “I think the others considered your rant about the border wall a bit racist. And, to be honest, I had no idea what any of it had to do with the game we were playing.”


How politics ruined Othello, Scattergories, Scrabble, and Parcheesi: “Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart. When your father lost his job at the coal plant, we had to sell all those old games to afford enough food for this week.”