“Chicken nuggets on the buffet!! The Trumps are coming??”
“Look Meghan, I appreciate your position, but… you simply can’t have the Royal Guard tackle ladies that you hate during the bouquet toss.”
“Yes, the ring is admittedly gorgeous… but the real wedding present is that he’s having MI6 kill a few of her enemies from high school.”
“I’d heard that Prince Harry isn’t very close with his dad, but that’s bullshit! They were tag-teaming the same prostitute at the bachelor party last night, for pete sakes! Not close my ass!”
“It is a happy occasion, of course… but Harry has been pouting ever since Meghan put her foot down about him having a Harry Potter or Batman cake.”
“Oh shit!! The Queen heard that the reception is going to have an open bar, so she pulled the fire alarm and is heading over there now!”
“So they’ve temporarily brought back beheadings, just on the off chance that someone at the wedding looks prettier than Meghan.”
“Prince Charles’ toast was indeed quite beautiful… the drunken vomiting added just the right amount of dramatic pauses.”
“Warn everyone, this is not the official bouquet toss… the Queen is just on the staircase throwing her diaper into the crowd again.”
“It’s a shame that Meghan’s dad wasn’t able to make it here today; what are we supposed to do with all of these microwave pizza rolls?”
“They did consider having Prince Charles do the father/daughter dance with Meghan, but he couldn’t give a ‘no boner’ guarantee.”
“Oh my God… I haven’t seen anything that beautiful since The Bachelor Wedding Special!”
“Don’t blow any bubbles near the Queen… she’ll begin chasing after them again and end up tripping over her dress.”
“Okay, in deference to the whole Princess Diana thing, the paparazzi have agreed to give you a five minute head start.”
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
