Prince Andrew Re-canned

With Harry and Megan on their way out, will this mean that suddenly Prince Andrew will by default need to be the young, hip face of the Royal Family? And if so, what exactly does that look like?

Prince Andrew’s new public duties following the departure of Harry and Megan:


Picking up empty cans and bottles following royal wedding celebrations.


Coordinating Buckingham Palace Gift Shoppe employee luncheons and employee-engagement cricket matches.


Picking lint and dead bugs from the hats of the Queen’s Guard.


Keeping an eye on Harry and Megan to ensure that they don’t steal anything before they leave.


Claiming to have been the one driving the car if Prince Charles has any DUI mishaps.


Charity work and support for troubled youth (as long as they’re over 18).


Having his head shaven bald and then slapped repeatedly by a Benny Hill impersonator in a series of public service TV commercials for the Royal Family.


Practicing being stabbed repeatedly in the event that he has to protect Prince Charles in a bar fight.


Regularly scheduled Febrezing of the Queen’s throne.


Donning a pair of snug-fitting Daisy Duke shorts for a series of photos in the Royal Family’s novelty calendar.


Playing the role of “jailed pervert with info on other perverts / pervert meeting spots” in various episodes of Law & Order: SVU.