News Briefs

Comedian Kills Half His Elderly Audience With Great Joke

RIVERDALE, New York – All comedians like to be told they “killed” while on stage, which is a comedians way of saying they did great.

Comedian Jackie La Rue took that saying to a new level last Saturday night when he performed at a nursing home in the Riverdale section of New York, and told a joke that was so funny that half his audience passed away from laughing so hard.

There were 120 seniors in the audience ranging from 78 to 94 years old when La Rue started his act. When he finished only 62 were still breathing.

There was pandemonium in the room as emergency vehicles started pulling up outside, and paramedics came from outlying areas to try and revive the elderly people, many of whom still had smiles on their faces, even in death. Unfortunately we can’t print the joke here, in case any of our readers have weak hearts.

“We wouldn’t want to be responsible for any more deaths from this joke”, said Derrick Clontz, Editor-In Chief, of a major New York publication.     We just don’t have the insurance to take a chance and print it.”

He added, “We will tell you it had to do with farmers, a sardine, a stripper, and a compass. Any more than that, and you might be able to guess it for yourself.”

La Rue took it very hard, and may retire after this comedic tragedy.

He spoke with GNN and said. “ It wasn’t even one of my funniest jokes.   I have stronger stuff than that, but I held back.”

Many of the relatives have already contacted lawyers with regard to filing suit against the comic for massacring so many of the elderly residents of the home.

One woman who lost her 89 year old mother said, “ Why did he have to be that funny? There was just no reason for him to have to have been that funny.   If he had been just a little less funny, my mother would still be alive today.”

As a result of this tragedy, Congressman Bradley Newton (D) from New York has proposed legislation to actually outlaw comedians from being too funny with people over a certain age.

Comedy clubs usually serve alcohol, and are used to checking proof to make sure their audience is of a legal age to drink.

Now bouncers would have to check not only age, but also medical histories, and comedians would be rated as to how dangerous their material could be to people with heart conditions or high blood pressure.

La Rue said, “ I was only trying to entertain the old people. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”