20 Or So Questions With Cupid

WH: So… is it just Cupid?  Any nicknames?

CUPID: Cupid is fine.  I sometimes go by Q, but usually just with close friends.

WH: Oh, like the other holiday mascots?  Are you all close?

CUPID:  “Holiday mascots”?  C’mon, man.   I’m a primal force of nature, not some goddamned candy-pimping rabbit.

WH: And so I guess that’s why you don’t leave gifts or candies for fans of the holiday?

CUPID: Okay , this is where the confusion comes in… The love IS the gift, get it?  What you do with that gift is up to you.  No refunds.

WH: It’s true, I’ve never gotten a bad case of chlamydia from a gift in my Christmas stocking.

CUPID: (laughs) Right?  It’s a whole different set of rules.  Don’t send me any letters asking for love from a particular type of person.  Don’t be stupid.

WH: Still, you do look like a baby…

CUPID:  Careful….

WH: And you have those teeny little wings too.   Being so, well….

CUPID:  What ?

WH:  So cute and marketable. Wouldn’t it be better for your brand to just leave behind some sort of trinket for your followers?

CUPID: Um… I don’t…

WH: Like say a little scented bag filled with candies, and maybe just one toy, a Nintendo Switch or something.

CUPID: A Nintendo Switch?   Jesus.

WH: Something that would fit into the small bag, is what I’m saying; more of just like a sweet gesture.

CUPID:  A sweet gesture?   And how exactly would I transport them?  A Nintendo Switch might be very small, but it’s still like twice my size.  And I have to carry these arrows, and this bow!  You people are really something else.

WH:  Well ,  it’s just that, someone like me….

CUPID:  Okay …

WH:  I’m just not that interested in a romantic relationship right now. That sort of thing has never really worked for me.  But a Nintendo Switch….

CUPID: Right.

WH: I think that a Nintendo Switch could really, I don’t know, take the sting out of the general loneliness.

CUPID:  Alright, so…. Are we finished?  I guess I’ll consider it. Can I go now ?

WH:  I mean, sure, of course.  It’s just a friendly interview.

CUPID:  My foot?

WH: Ha, yes, of course!    I actually had forgotten that your foot was caught in the Coke can.  You should have said something earlier!

CUPID: Yeah, right.  Okay.