Don’t Hold the Door for Me: An Introvert’s Lament (Sung to The Police’s Don’t Stand So Close to Me)

She sees me behind her

She wants to hold the door

But I slow down on purpose

She decides to wait some more

 

Forced convo I’m losing

Small talk is within reach

Quite saddened we’re too close

I’m so annoyed by speech

 

Don’t hold, don’t hold the

Don’t hold the door for me

Don’t hold, don’t hold the

Don’t hold the door for me

 

Introvert, I am that

You know how quiet guys get

Sometimes it’s not so easy

To put up with bullshit

 

Oration, flirtation

Why can’t she stay quiet?

So painful it’s hurting

Our lives should be private

 

Don’t hold, don’t hold the

Don’t hold the door for me

Don’t hold, don’t hold the

Don’t hold the door for me

 

Her plans for the evening

They matter not to me

I don’t care about her

Too bad she cannot see

 

It’s no use

She won’t stop

She starts to talk she starts to speak

I crack a fake smile

I need a new technique

 

Don’t hold, don’t hold the

Don’t hold the door for me

Don’t hold, don’t hold the

Don’t hold the door for me