Choose Your 2027 Health Plan: Bronze, Tin, Aluminum Foil, or Thoughts and Prayers

The median proposed premium increase for 2027 marketplace plans is about 15 percent, before subsidies. (KFF analysis, via healthinsurance.org)

Good news! Your 2026 health plan has been discontinued, and you’ve been automatically re-enrolled in a plan we’re calling “similar.”

Hi, I’m Kyle, your Licensed Enrollment Partner. I work on commission, so I’d love to help you choose a plan. I’d love it a lot. Choosing coverage can feel overwhelming, so we’ve made it simple: there are four plans, and you can afford one of them.

What’s new for 2027

• Premiums are up about 15 percent.
• Your enhanced tax credit expired last New Year’s Eve. It is survived by your premium.
• Congress has given you more freedom to choose, mostly between the four plans below.
• We’ve streamlined our provider network. It used to have more doctors in it, and now it has fewer. That’s what streamlined means.

BRONZE

• Monthly premium: $687
• Deductible: $9,800
• Covers: Everything, once you’ve paid for the first $9,800 of everything.
• Best for: People planning one emergency, in December.

Kyle’s note: Bronze is our most popular plan among people who used to have Silver.

TIN

• Monthly premium: $412
• Deductible: $14,000
• Covers: One (1) medical condition, chosen by our actuaries each January at a short ceremony. The 2027 condition is gout.
• Best for: Anyone who has always wanted gout to be the good news.

Kyle’s note: Last year’s condition was the left knee. Not knee problems. The knee.

ALUMINUM FOIL

• Monthly premium: $199
• Quality rating: Not yet rated. Please do not rate it.
• Annual physical: Conducted by text. You take your own blood pressure, then tell us what you think it is.
• Network: One urgent care in a strip mall, between a Cash Express and a Rite Aid that is now a Spirit Halloween. Open Tuesdays and the second half of Thursdays.
• Deductible: We’ve left this off to keep the page clean.

Kyle’s note: This is the plan I’m on. You can mold it around almost any problem. It will not hold.

THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS

• Monthly premium: Whatever’s in your heart
• Covers: You, spiritually
• Network: Your aunt Linda, who was a nurse until 1994, and a different urgent care, in Delaware
• Prescription drugs: Linda still has some of your uncle’s amoxicillin from his tooth thing
• Prior authorization: Required for all prayers

Kyle’s note: I’m not supposed to say this, but when I enroll someone in Thoughts and Prayers, I really do think about them. Usually around 2 a.m.

GOLD

• Available to: Members of Congress. Required, actually. It’s the only tier they’re allowed to pick.
• Monthly premium: About three-quarters paid by their employer
• Their employer: You

Kyle’s note: I’ve never seen one in person. I hear they’re beautiful.

Optional add-on

GLP-1 Rider: Covers weight-loss medication. Your monthly cost is your current weight, in dollars. Please don’t ask what happens when you stop.

Frequently asked questions

Can I keep my doctor? Your doctor has moved to concierge medicine. She wanted you to know she thinks of you whenever she drives past the old building.

What if I get sick in January? We recommend February.

I just turned 26 and aged off my parents’ plan. What should I pick? Happy birthday! Have you considered turning 25?

Ready to enroll?

Open enrollment runs November 1 through January 15. Coverage begins January 1, or upon your full recovery, whichever comes first.

Kyle’s note: I’ll be out until Thursday afternoon. It’s a knee thing. Bad timing.