ACT BLUE ALERT 🚨 FORGET STANDARDS YOU WIMPS! As Democrats, It’s Time We Put Our Differences Aside And Collectively Ignore A Nazi Tattoo
“Maine Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner on Thursday said he could not explain why a former girlfriend was describing his controversial chest tattoo as a Nazi symbol months before he said he learned of its meaning.” –CNN, 6/5/26
🚨 ACT BLUE ALERT 🚨
VOTER —
Look, we’re gonna skip all the “we live in unprecedented times” bullshit and just cut to the chase here. We really need to win this election. If Democrats have any chance of winning back the Senate and gaining some control over our country again, it means we need to go all in on the candidate that shows the most promise.
It’s time we put aside our differences and come together by collectively ignoring a Nazi tattoo.
It’s not ideal circumstances, sure, but what choice do we really have? Graham Platner is the best person we could have found to help us win in Maine, beat Susan Collins, and take back the Senate from Republicans. He’s Progressive aside from a weird Maine love for guns, and he has no other skeletons in the closet other than the Nazi tattoo.
Okay, that’s kind of a lie. Maybe it was naive to assume that a guy with a Nazi tattoo had no other baggage. He may have cheated on his wife by sending explicit messages to women online while married and engaged in questionable (abusive) behavior with former girlfriends. He also has a miles long record of gross and vulgar Reddit comments, some of which contain slurs and allude that women should not get so drunk if they don’t want to be sexually assaulted.
What a catch. Aren’t you glad we found him?
In the last few years, Democrats have spent so much time fighting amongst each other that we have lost sight of what really matters: Smiling and shaking our heads when one of our frontrunners for Senate claims that he didn’t know he had a well-known and well-documented Nazi symbol permanently inked on his chest for years and years. That level of unawareness of society and history are exactly the qualities that reassure us he’ll fit in perfectly in Washington.
Anti-Semitism is on the rise. What better time to run a guy who used to have a Nazi tattoo? We’re not condoning anything, but it can’t hurt if we throw a bone to the growing number of people who sometimes find themselves thinking, “Okay, but what is going on with the Jews? Why are they like that? If the Holocaust did happen, there had to be a good reason.”
So come on out and get out the vote for the Democratic Party’s last hope for winning back the Senate. Just don’t google him. Unless what you’re hearing appeals to you. Graham Platner represents the working American who just wants to be able to afford to live, make disturbing comments on Reddit, have an active account on Kik, and get tattoos of hate symbols.
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Bobbie Armstrong is a former child, current writer and student. Her work has appeared on McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, and her parents’ fridge. Follow her existential crisis @bobbien_
Leave a Reply
Want to join the discussion?Feel free to contribute!