Ads For Products You Never Wanted

Salmonella Mix

Do you like baking? Do you want the nausea and diarrhea of eating raw eggs without the fun of it tasting like chocolate cake? Cut to the chase with Salmonella Mix.

Phone Warmers

It’s like hand warmers, but for your phone. You know how your phone gets really hot when you charge it or when you’re playing a game for a long time? Well what if it did that all on its own? Get yourself a Phone Warmer and get fired up.

Belly Button Picks

Ever want to gross out your friends the way you do when you use a toothpick in public, but with your belly button? Then get Belly Button Picks, the only pick that gets dust and crust out of a body part you never want to think about. Belly Button Picks – it’s a good day to be an outie.

Frozen Red Lobster

All the fun of eating Red Lobster at home, minus the biscuits which we all know are the best part of the menu. It’s half the price and none of the taste. Frozen Red Lobster – just as bad at home.

Winner’s Rubix Cube

Did you like fidget spinners? Do you want to feel smart without doing any work to get there? Soothe your ego with a Winner’s Rubix Cube.

Magnetic Earpods

Are you tired of losing your earpods? Do you wish there was a way they would just magically stay on your head at all times? Introducing Magnetic Earpods. You might lose your hearing, vision, and memory, but at least you won’t lose your earpods again.

Hot Coolattas

All of the flavor of our regular Coolattas with none of the brain freeze. Enjoy drinking what is basically syrup and water mixed together at a mild room temperature everyone can enjoy. Warm Coolattas – however gross you think this one is, you’re wrong. It’s much, much worse.