An Absurd And Morally Irresponsible Look Into 2020’s Possible Best Picture Nominees
We’re just recently removed from the 91st annual Academy Awards, but it’s never too early to start predicting who may come away with Hollywood’s biggest prize at the 92nd Academy Awards. Ready or not, here is our way too early list of possible Best Picture Nominees.
I Transformed My Body Into A Pot Beef Stew For This Role
Christian Bale is a lock for another best actor nod as he’s undergone his most ambitious body transformation to date by morphing himself into a delicious, simmering pot of beef stew. With dynamite performances by Paul Giamatti as the man who makes the stew and Amy Adams as the woman who eats it, this erotic thriller is fun for the whole family and may score Netflix it’s first best picture win.
Homosexuality, But Not Too Much Homosexuality
After all the praise Bohemian Rhapsody received this year for its relatively tame portrayal of Freddie Mercury’s life and the backlash Brokeback Mountain received 15 years ago for portraying an honest, visceral passion between two men, Ang Lee has learned just how much gayness the Academy is willing to reward. This take on the 1954 novel by Frank Yerby set in The Antebellum South may not win the big prize but it is sure to pick up some technical awards and don’t sleep on Amy Adams! She may come away with a best-supporting actress win in this one. Finally!
Adversity: The Movie!
Amy Adams stars in the biopic of Marjorie Louise Tillman. A plucky woman who gets a job teaching in a rural town in 1930’s Missouri and cures its people of racism by teaching them that poetry isn’t something you read in a book, but something that takes you to new heights.
Esoteric Film From The Mind Of Charlie Kaufman
We’ve got no fucking clue what’s happening in this one, but we’re guessing that our pal Chuck is wrestling with even more demons in his personal life than we originally thought. This is less of a movie and more of an examination into the psyche of a lost soul spiraling downwards into an incredibly dark place to which there is no escape. Seriously, if you know this man talk to him. Ask him how he is and if there’s anything we can do to help. Ask him about the scene with Amy Adams and that poor duckling, please! We’re concerned for them both.
White People Doing White Things
Wes Anderson does it again! This film loosely based on a play by Czechoslovakian playwright Jaroslav Kvapil features an incredibly talented ensemble of white people who are doing so many things we can barely count them all! Amy Adams is stunning as Pauline Archembeau while Owen and Luke Wilson play her brothers Luke (played by Owen) and Owen (played by Luke).
The Dialogues Of Murder Murdery Murder People!
The 9th film by writer/director Quentin Tarantino is wild wide with a great soundtrack and even better dialogue. It follows contract killers Kit (played by Amy Adams) and Dirk (played by Haley Joel Osment) as they try to murder everyone they see all the time for some reason. But, the twist is that they do it with dialogue, dialogue, and even more dialogue. They talk all the time about everything constantly! From the little tiny plastic things on the ends of their shoelaces to who is better; Sheena Easton or Debbie Gibson? This bloody nightmare should secure Tarantino a 3rdScreenplay Oscar for his dialogue.
Star Wars: Episode IX
The latest installment of this Hollywood staple finally puts the fucking Skywalker shit to bed. Rey does some stuff… Kylo does some shit… Chewie is still there flying that plane in space with the robots… Billy Dee Williams comes back and has an incredibly jarring, but tasteful sex scene with some green blob voiced by Amy Adams. Consider this nomination as more of a legacy pick to send this saga off into the sunset.
The Actor In This Movie Is Old And May Die Soon So Let’s Reward Him With A Nomination For A Lifetime Of Really Solid Work
Ed Asner made waves at Sundance with his performance of a widower who loses his wife and lays in bed all day to await the sweet embrace of death to release him from his pain. Amy Adams and Emma Watson play his grandchildren who move in to take care of him and to remind him that life is still worth living. Who would have thought that watching Ed Asner lay in bed for two and a half hours would be this entertaining? The Academy usually doesn’t reward comedic performances, but this is one of those transcendent moments in film that really reminds us why we go to the movies.
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