This Smells Like My Last Yeast Infection
This Smells Like Downward Facing Dog Ass
This Smells Like When The Recology Truck Doesn’t Show Up
This Smells Like Quinoa Tempeh Farts
This Smells Like Ben Affleck’s Balls
This Smells Like Brad Pitt’s Taint (sold out!)
This Smells Like Rami Malek’s Hoodie (size xs only)
This Smells Like I Remember When You Told Me My Vagina Smelled Great, Brad
This Smells Like You Saw My Smokin’ Hot Holly Hobbie/Umbrella/Underwear Dress At The Globes, And Still Don’t Want To Tap That, Seriously, Brad
This Smells Like That Workshop On Subliminal Advertising I Attended At That Ashram In The Himalayas. Ass RAM, HIM A LAY YA, Get It, Brad, Or Are You Too High Now? By The Way, I Get High Now And Even Sell Hemp Earrings, Smell
This Smells Like You’re Really Not Going To Try To Get Back With Me Now That I’m Crazy When Everyone Knows You Like Crazy? You Married Crazy! Does Nobody Remember When I Took My Top Off? And Won An Oscar For It? An Oscar! Not A SAG Award Because As You Can See There Is Nothing Saggy About Me Smell
This Smells Like The Oscar I Keep In My Nightstand
This Smells Like And I Have Kids! You Love Kids!
This Smells Like In 2009 You Literally Said If Only We Were Both Single Again, And Now We Are, Except For Me, Technically, But You Go To Jen’s Parties?
This Smells Like I Also Called Greta Gerwig And Told Her It Sucked About Best Director Because You Never Know, She Might Need To Cast Saoirse’s Mother Someday
This Smells Like I’d Like To “Unconsciously Uncouple” You From $75 And That Skank You Left The Netflix Party With Don’t Think I Didn’t See!
This Smells Like Desperation, Doesn’t It?
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A former Washington, DC TV news producer, Debra A. Klein has contributed personal essays and features about places she once never knew existed to: The New York Times, Conde Nast Traveler, National Geographic Traveler, Travel and Leisure, and Newsweek magazines, as well as The Little Brown Reader, 9th Edition and The New York Times Practical Guide to Practically Everything, among other publications. Follow her on Twitter @IWishIHadTyped