CARTOON: Killer Call

The HORROR! Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

You Love This Ad for the Barbie (the Movie)/Progressive Insurance Commercial Barbie (the Doll)–Themed Pinkberry Flavor

This, finally, is the maximum Barbie branding saturation you have been waiting for.

CARTOON: Inflight Infatuation

Terrible, tawdry, takeoff! Today's cartoon by Michael Litwak.

REVIEW: Halloween Ends

I take no pleasure in dogging Halloween Ends. I’m literally its target audience. Regardless of quality, there are very few slasher films I don’t enjoy, including the worst of the Halloween sequels! Unfortunately, this movie spent too much time in a room with its own farts and forgot it was even supposed to be a slasher movie.

CARTOON: Where The Crawdads Sing

Didn't read it but this movie looks great! Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Closing Credits From The Biopic Of Charles Lindbergh’s Baby

JENNIFER ANISTON as Search Party Volunteer 21, JENNIFER GARNER as Search Party Volunteer 22, JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT as Search Party Volunteer 23, JENNIFER JASON LEIGH as Search Party Volunteer 24, JASON LEE as Search Party Volunteer 25, and more!

The Following Preview Has Been Approved For All Audiences By The Motion Picture Association Of America


REVIEW: The Batman

It’s Emo Batman Versus the Zodiac Killer in a Reboot That—if Anything—Is Shorter Than Justice League

Cautionary Christmas Tale From Harry Ellis: Cocaine And Terrorists Don’t Mix

When I learned that Holly’s deadbeat husband, John McClane, was running around the building pretending to be Rambo, I knew I had to step in and broker a deal with the Euro trash who were holding us hostage.


The Salmon Clause, Rudolphin the Red-Nosed Reindeer, It's a Flounderful Life, and more #FishAChristmasMovie on this week's trending joke game!

Thrilling Thanksgiving Thrillers!!!

Gone Gravy Gone, The Fat & The Furious, The Hunt For Red Wine In November, and more!

How To Direct Actors

Contrary to what their paychecks would suggest, movies are not just made of stars. Actors in supporting roles are either up-and-coming bit players hoping to become movie stars, or over-the-hill movie stars looking to prolong their last fleeting moments of fame. Regardless of which side of the chute they land on, it is imperative that you remind them at every opportunity that they are not the stars of this film. The director is the star of this film.


A pioneer of alternative comedy and star of numerous Generation X cultural touchstones, Janeane Garofalo possessed a voice for the ages. Literally and metaphorically the voice of a generation, her sarcastic, vulnerable, over it, and overwhelmed timbre was so definitive to the ‘90s that a lot of people thought she provided the voice of Daria on Daria. She didn’t, but more than two decades removed from her zeitgeist-defining days, Garofalo finally gives voice to an animated version of her persona in the form of Debora, the protagonist and focus of Lava, a futuristic movie about present-day themes.

Obituary: Film Critic's Life Lacked Compelling Narrative Arc

Internet movie critic Robert “Bob” Umeck passed away in his sleep on Friday night at the age of 79. Bob’s death was as uneventful as his life, which can be described, at best, as thoroughly mediocre. What began as a promising youth quickly devolved into a middle age section that failed to adequately deliver on its original premise.

I Am Kristen Roupenian’s Book Advance, and I Know All Your Essays Are About Me

You probably have questions about me. I am, after all, seven-figures big, an unheard-of sum for a relatively unknown writer. What would it be like to have me, you wonder? Is there any hope of my ever being earned out? And now: Should I be shared with Alexis Nowicki, the woman on whom the short story was based?

E.T. Receives A 39 Year Overdue Phone Bill For Interplanetary Roaming Charges

Since your account balance has been in arrears for over 39 Earth rotations around the sun, we contacted a debt collector. And by debt collector we mean an interplanetary bounty hunter. There was some Boba someone or other who seemed pretty keen on bringing you in, but then a group of Predators were willing to do it for free.

Truly Terrible TV/Movie Pitches

Bachelord Of The Rings: Lord Of The Rings cosplay enthusiasts vie for the romantic attention of a beautiful model, who spends the better portion of the season pushing heavy furniture in order to block her dressing room door.

What Would Have Happened in the Cue-Card Scene from Love Actually if Peter had Opened the Door

Mark's plan went perfectly, but what would have happened if Peter had answered the door? We now know the answer thanks to this deleted scene, released in celebration of the 17th anniversary of the film. This alternate scene shows that Mark actually had a backup plan in case this very scenario occurred.

News Briefs: Pandemic Parents

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

EXCLUSIVE! "The Shout Out" Quarantine Comedy Short Filmed Entirely on Phones in Lockdown Premieres!

A Reality Star joins Cameo during quarantine and has a meltdown while recording a birthday message for a fan.

I Will Absolutely Be Sending My Kids Back To Swim At Amity Island Even Though Jaws Is Still In The Water

This shark impacts different people in different ways. It violently pulls some people underwater, only to have their partial remains wash ashore the next day while others it merely maims and leaves permanently disfigured. 

CARTOON: Summer Blockbuster

Impossible, nobody would believe it. Cartoon by Joe Wos.

Excerpts from the NEW New Broadway Adaptation of To Kill a Mockingbird Starring Naomi Campbell as Calpurnia

CALPURNIA: Atticus, you better check your lipstick before you even think of coming to talk to me.  *Does a sultry hair flip and eye ball roll.*  Now, don’t go tugging at that dress, Scout. You want to have it all wrinkled before you even get to school? 

Good Evening: I Am Thrilled To Be Performing Long Form Improvisational Comedy For This Audience Of Captivated Decision Makers

Good Evening. Thank you for coming out tonight, and welcome to my one man show and my catastrophe of a Harold Team audition all wrapped in one catastrophic meltdown designed for you and you only, the bored entertainment industry decision makers.

Other Scenes Deleted From The Canadian TV Version of ‘Home Alone 2: Lost in New York’

After a blurry night of fun with bath salts Kevin McAllister burns down The Plaza Hotel.

If You’ve Been Accused of Exploiting Women, Then Call the Law Firm That Represented James Franco Now

How do we do it? Here at the law firm that represented James Franco, we leverage systemic societal and legal injustices that favor wealthy men in power so that YOU TOO can get away with exploiting women for little or no consequence!

The Joker's Favorite Practical Jokes

Using a sheet of cling-wrap, place a transparent barrier between the seat and lid of your victim's commode.    When they next attempt to use the facilities, they will be in for an unpleasant surprise, as will the Caped Crusader, who will be savagely devoured by a swarm of vicious crocodiles unleashed upon Wayne Enterprises by yours truly!

Things That You'll Need To Know Before Watching The Downton Abbey Movie

Downton Abbey is based on the television show of the same name, and concerns the problems and concerns of a group of unlikable rich white people; oddly enough, it was broadcast on PBS rather than CNN.

Finally, That Paper on the Rain Scene from 'Castaway'

But fair is fair, the iconic scene had major problems that got a blind free pass when this Oscar-nominated movie was released. Closer examination reveals many examples of being tone deaf to men. Number one, the car. Who just hands the keys of a car over to someone without hours of back-and-forth over paperwork?

Little-Known 'Shazam!' Movie Facts

Shazam is a very powerful character from the magic side of the DC Universe, but not quite powerful enough to cast a spell to make the world forget the Justice League movie.

An Absurd And Morally Irresponsible Look Into 2020's Possible Best Picture Nominees

I Transformed My Body Into A Pot Beef Stew For This Role: Christian Bale is a lock for another best actor nod as he's undergone his most ambitious body transformation to date by morphing himself into a delicious, simmering pot of beef stew. With dynamite performances by Paul Giamatti as the man who makes the stew and Amy Adams as the woman who eats it, this erotic thriller is fun for the whole family and may score Netflix it's first best picture win.

The Cool Things About Wearing A Crime-Fighting Symbiote

Emasculating embarrassments on the tether-ball court are a thing of the past, my toothy friend!

Halloween Horror Flicks For People Who Don't Like Being Scared

I Saw What You Did Last, Sumner Redstone VeryNormal Activity The…

7 Movies with HUGE Holes in the Plot

1. The Shawshank Redemption 2. Indiana Jones 3. The Core 4.…

NOTES TO EINSTEIN (Everything is Relative)

What if Einstein's theory of relativity got notes from TV execs,…

FOTO BOMB: Barack Obama is...MOVING!

Obama is getting ready to move out of the White House. He…