I’ve begun to see others like me, eyes ragged, some holding a purse so long they have forgotten who it belongs to. Men pacing the aisles with haunted eyes and backwards hats. Nobody can figure out how to navigate this place, we are all scared.
We’ve spent three years and hundreds of millions of dollars from Jimmy Buffett’s estate training a proprietary neural network to transform Margaritaville from a Times Square tourist trap into the world’s foremost Artificial Intelligence powerhouse with a license to chill.
Look Rodriguez, you know you’re a good cop, I know you’re a good cop, those girl scouts you put in a sleeperhold know you’re a good cop, but that can only keep you here so long. Eventually the mayor is going to wonder if all of your mayhem, destruction, and violations of civil rights and due process are worth the 3% of cases you solve.
The Great Shatsby (by F Scott Shitzgerland), To Kill a Mockingturd, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, and more!
The people out there need mimes, it is easily people’s favorite form of entertainment, so what we do matters. I know that if I don’t go out there and exaggerate every facial expression in a comical manner, the fabric of society falls apart.
For those we are letting go, we will be offering generous severance packages including the souls of 10,000 babies and a gift card to Spencers Gifts, the official retail partner of hell.
National Amelia Earhart Day: A day where we can all just disappear and not have to do anything, a great tribute! Everyone could use a break.