Tom Brady Quitting: You announce your retirement, spend 40 days at home with three kids, and then announce your comeback.
About Justine Cotter
Creative director and humor writer. Words in @mcsweeneys @The_Belladonnas@littleoldlady__ @thisisrobotbutt (she/her)
Entries by Justine Cotter
“Girl, You’re Out of Funds” (Tune: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper) …Emailing, in the mornin’ light, / This work-from-home business has ruined your life./ A pyramid scam, an unfortunate one. / Oh, girl, you’re out of funds… Oh, girl, you’re out of funds…
It’s no secret that crime is up, social programs for mental health are nearly eliminated, COVID is back for the 137th time, and the city’s plan to eradicate homelessness by kicking people off the subway isn’t the miracle we’d hoped. But instead of wasting taxpayer dollars on city-wide programs that address the root causes of these real problems, the Office of Emergency Management is proud to present this 90-second PSA on three extremely fucking obvious tips on surviving a nuclear attack.