Entries by Sue Gelber

Best Of 2021

I’m Michael Myers from Halloween and I Just Want to Talk About Your Car’s Extended Warranty

You can shoot me in the chest, gouge my eyes out, stab me with a knife, impale me with a knitting needle, burn me alive, hit me with a truck, throw me down a mine shaft and blast me with dynamite, electrocute me, trap me in a room full of gas and light a match, throw me off a roof, and behead me with an ax, but nothing will stop me from coming back again and trying to sell you this warranty.


Two Tour de France Announcers Narrate My Morning Jog 

“Unfortunately, the sprinklers are on. This reminds me of last year’s Tour when riders suffered through heavy rain, a hailstorm, AND a landslide that almost took out the yellow jersey, or maillot jaune.” “It really is JUST like that. The perseverance. The grit. The triumph of the human spirit.” “She’s walking again.”