Best of 2024
Pros and Cons of Becoming a Vampire
Pro: Will have a reason to start a gang and call ourselves “The Lost Girls.”
Con: Will have to keep explaining the connection to the 1987 film “The Lost Boys” featuring Kiefer Sutherland.
Entries by Viktoria Shulevich
Best of 2024
Some Totally Normal Thoughts I Had After Getting Pooped on by a Bird
Just a little poop on my jacket, it’ll wash right off. These things happen. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s totally fine. But why is it so wet? Is it a poop or a pee? Or a combo… Anyway, it’s good luck. I think. Do people say that? Did I hear that somewhere? I could use […]
Originals
I Had to Buy This Tent From REI, It Was on Sale and It’s Slightly Different From My Other Tents
I can’t wait to try it out this summer. In the meantime, I’ll put it away with all my other REI tents in the makeshift gear storage space in the corner of my 800 sq ft apartment.
Originals
Exciting New Nail Polish Colors for Spending Your Valentine’s Day Home Alone!
Bold Red Alone in Bed with Snacks and “Jane Eyre” on Netflix, the Michael Fassbender One, Berry Naughty Thoughts About Michael Fassbender, Sexy Fishnet Stalkings of Michael Fassbender’s Full Frontal Pics Online, and more!
Best of 2023
A Guide to Pregaming in Your 40s
EVENT: A concert that starts at 10 pm for no good reason PREGAMING: Crashing on the couch for a 20-minute snooze then inserting Dr. Scholl’s insoles into your sensible boots
Best of 2022
10 New Year’s Resolutions Jason Definitely Wants Me to Keep This Year
I will sign up for an advanced crochet class to keep my hands busy during Jason’s softball practice (which is every Tuesday and Thursday). I will go to the gym, but only the one where the local softball team, the Beavers, work out. I will not let my past failures to become Jason’s girlfriend define me. And more!
Originals
I’m Sorry for Wearing a Sexy Nurse Costume to Your Event But It’s Kinda Your Fault for Having It Close to Halloween
I’m sorry I invited 10 random people to your private family and friends shindig and told them it was going to be a rager. I’m sorry they showed up.