Entries by Viktoria Shulevich


Pros and Cons of Becoming a Vampire 

Pro: Will have a reason to start a gang and call ourselves “The Lost Girls.”

Con: Will have to keep explaining the connection to the 1987 film “The Lost Boys” featuring Kiefer Sutherland.


Some Totally Normal Thoughts I Had After Getting Pooped on by a Bird

Just a little poop on my jacket, it’ll wash right off. These things happen. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s totally fine. But why is it so wet? Is it a poop or a pee? Or a combo… Anyway, it’s good luck. I think. Do people say that? Did I hear that somewhere? I could use […]

Best of 2023

A Guide to Pregaming in Your 40s

EVENT: A concert that starts at 10 pm for no good reason PREGAMING: Crashing on the couch for a 20-minute snooze then inserting Dr. Scholl’s insoles into your sensible boots

Best of 2022

10 New Year’s Resolutions Jason Definitely Wants Me to Keep This Year

I will sign up for an advanced crochet class to keep my hands busy during Jason’s softball practice (which is every Tuesday and Thursday). I will go to the gym, but only the one where the local softball team, the Beavers, work out. I will not let my past failures to become Jason’s girlfriend define me. And more!