Beyoncé’s Imagined Presidential Platforms

Political Beliefs

To the left, to the left.

Thoughts on Current Administration

Boy, bye.


The best revenge is your paper.

Plastic Product Ban

I woke up like this: ***strawless.

Gun Control

More effective bills, bills, bills.

Equal Pay

I dream it. I work hard. I grind ’til I’m paid the same amount as men.

Planned Parenthood Funding

I don’t think you’re ready for this belly.

Campaign Finance Reform

Of course sometimes shit goes down when there’s a billion (corporate) dollars on the elevator.

Cyber Bullying

I’m not gonna diss you on the internet––’cause my mama taught me better than that.

Border Wall

Driver, roll down the partition please.


Who run the world? Too many old white guys.

Wall Street Regulations

Trade responsibly or: Dow down, bitches.


I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker. And that beat deserves universal healthcare.


“Who you make love to––and take that ass to Red Lobster––is your human right.”


What’s worse: Looking infected or crazy? Infected or crazy?


OK, ladies, now let’s get information.


Twirl on them haters.

Mental Health

Watch it while he check up on it.

Climate Change

World stop. [Pass the Green New Deal.] Carry on.

Raising the Minimum Wage

Partner, let me, let me upgrade u.

Student Loans

I came to SLAYYY––interest rates.

Marijuana Legalization

I got legal weed in my bag swag.

Public Transportation

I ain’t thinkin’ ‘bout you. Sorry. (I ain’t sorry.)

Electoral College

You know you that bitch when you cause all that conversation.

Universal Preschool

Better call Becky with the good childcare.

Free Birth Control

Put a Nuva Ring on it.