By Doing Whatever We Ask, You Agree to Our Terms
By checking this box, you agree to our terms.
By using this app, you agree to our terms.
By clicking on an email from us with the subject “We’ve changed our terms,” you agree to our terms.
By clicking on an email from us with the subject “Mom needs help now,” you agree to our terms.
By deleting an email from us that includes the word “terms,” you agree to our terms.
By not agreeing to our terms, you agree to our terms.
By clicking this box without reading our terms, you admit to being a first-class liar.
By complaining about us on social media, you agree to our terms and owe us a heartfelt apology.
By live streaming your attempt to complete three consecutive somersaults, you agree to our terms and become a viral sensation and/or a laughingstock.
By dialing 911, you may have to wait up to six minutes to agree to our terms.
By crossing out certain terms, you open yourself up to a claim for emotional distress in an amount to be determined by a jury of your peers.
By agreeing to our terms, you acknowledge our right to garnish your wages.
By pretending to agree to our terms, we’ll pretend not to dox you.
By agreeing to our terms, you must unconditionally surrender.
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Phil Witte is an author and cartoonist. His latest book is Funny Stuff: How Great Cartoonists Make Great Cartoons. His cartoons have appeared in dozens of publications in the U.S. and U.K., including The Wall Street Journal, Barron’s, Reader’s Digest, San Francisco Chronicle, and Private Eye, as well as in books, calendars, and greeting cards. His humor book, What You Don’t Know About Turning 50 and the sequel on turning 60 have sold over 175,000 copies to date. His articles have appeared in The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, San Francisco Examiner, and other publications.