Fresh Alternatives To Dying

The next time someone texts you something so funny you think you may die, don’t just lazily drop “Dying” into the thread. It’s your responsibility to let the sender know how close to death you truly are. Here’s a helpful range of evergreen replies that can pair with just about any hilarious text you receive.

HAHA omg laughing so hard I am dying

Hahahahahahahahahahah ur KILLING me!

LMFAO on my way to death!

LOL omg moving west to take a job working in the mines

Haha building up a thick layer of mine dust on my fragile lungs

Omg narrowly avoiding getting buried alive after a mine explosion!

Falling two stories down a mineshaft!!

Lmfao quitting my mining job after a couple freak episodes

Hahahahahaha listening to the boys say, “Good luck surviving winter and providing for your family up in that rickety mountain shack, Zeb.” as I strut away from the mines and take control of my life!


Omg the larder’s low on food and critters have eaten the last of the bulgur wheat hahaha

LMFAO losing grip on reality due to unparalleled hunger

Haha omg literally starving though

Hallucinating eating my dear wife Dolores hahaha

HA! Piecing together what happened to Dolores in the night!

Hahahaha telling the oldest child that I will be back as soon as I can and that I need him to be strong right now

Omg forging alone into blizzard conditions to get help in the bustling mining town at the base of the mountain!!!

OMG lying at the bottom of a deep and impressively hidden crevasse

Hahaha splinting my broken shin with pieces of pine bark and mountain rubble

Mustering the last of my energy to crawl out of this massive earth crack!

Hahaha sweating and exposed on this icy cliff face!

LOL helplessly watching townspeople 10,000 feet below with their markets and medical supplies, unaware of my plight

Hahahahahaha missing the stability that working in the mines brought to my family and life

LOLing into the cold, white nothing!


That was a very funny text.