Quarantine Reflections on Some Common Sayings

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it, but I’d still rather pretend none of this ever happened.

Two’s company, three’s a crowd, but soon your state may once again permit gatherings of up to 125 people.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but if I never see that coronavirus stock photo again it’ll be too soon.

Laughter is the best medicine if your only other option is injecting bleach into your body.

When life gives you lemons, make a sparkling lemon cocktail and post it to Instagram to give the impression that everything is fine.

Someday we’ll all laugh about this, but it will be a bitter, mirthless sort of laugh, followed by a deep sigh and vacant stare.

You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can totally judge a person who wears their face mask on their chin.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again—or hey, maybe just go to bed and pretend the outside world doesn’t exist!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but you can also schedule a telehealth appointment instead of going to the office.

Another day, another dollar, another big tip for the delivery guy who had to put his life in danger to bring me mapo tofu.

There’s no such thing as a free lunch, but your hairstylist can give you a free face mask if you show up without one, you inconsiderate asshole.

Everything you can imagine is real, so if we all imagine really hard, maybe we can manifest a vaccine before 2021.