C’EST TOXIQUE (For The Man Who Isn’t Afraid Of A Few Non-Existent Side Effects)

C’est Toxique is a real cologne, for real men, and it definitely won’t make you incontinent.

It’s a scent for the confident man, the wealthy man, the successful man, and it certainly won’t make you lose control of your bladder.

A man wearing C’est Toxique will always stand tall, and stand up for himself in any situation, even if he does happen to be standing in a puddle of yellow liquid that has absolutely no relation to his sudden lack of prostate control.

C’est Toxique is for the active man, the family man, or even the eternal bachelor. It smells of opportunity and can easily mask the smell of the constant stream of urine dribbling down your inner thighs (even though it’s not responsible for anything like that).

But sometimes cologne just isn’t enough, and that’s when you need new C’est Toxique anti-perspirant. It provides the modern man with up to 24 hours of lasting protection, whether you’re playing sport, sitting in a hot office, or just sweating over your latest tax return.  All this, and there’s only a ten percent chance that it’ll give you horrifically traumatic nightmares for several days at a time.

These days, male grooming is essential, and the successful, attractive male needs to be smooth-shaven, wrinkle free, and have vital looking skin. Luckily, C’est Toxique are here with our new gift set: cologne, anti-perspirant, anti-ageing cream, and shaving kit, along with a newly-developed face wash which doesn’t make you bleed from the nipples (and even if it does, that’s got nothing to do with us).

And should you really deny yourself the unbridled joy of a product that stops the ageing process in its tracks? With C’est Toxique’s new anti-ageing cream, you can kiss goodbye to those unsightly wrinkles, and the fact that it massively enhances your sexual desire while leaving you completely impotent is neither here nor there.

Frankly, this just gives you more time to enjoy your smooth skin, your youthful appearance, and, of course, the close shave provided by C’est Toxique’s new shaving kit. Our multi-bladed, hyper-flex razor has been specially developed to work with our ultra-sensitive shaving gel, to provide you with the smoothest, closest shave known to man. The C’est Toxique Gift Set is a new frontier in the science of male grooming, and there’s very little evidence to suggest that this combination of our products causes a strange chemical reaction, leaving the user with a lifetime’s dependency on crystal meth.

And completely blind.

So why not try one of our products today? You owe it to yourself! You’re worth it!  Let’s be honest, a clean bill of health is overrated, but you can’t put a price on male beauty. Order the C’est Toxique Gift Set today, and don’t waste one second thinking about how it could completely invalidate your health insurance!

(Warning: Side effects of C’est Toxique may include insomnia, amnesia, depression, early-on-set dementia, cardiac arrest, mad cow disease, swine flu, bird flu, and complete organ failure.)