Classic Male Movies Remade as “Feminist” Flicks

Ghostbusters, Oceans 8, and the coming-soon remakes of timeless stories like ‘What a Woman Wants’ have shown us that women have very low standards for what is considered a feminist “win” for Hollywood. So here are my pitches for the next ballbuster blockbuster…

Diet Hard

Jane McClane must lose 10 pounds before German supermodel Heidi
Gruber’s Christmas Eve Party.

The [Fairy] Godmother

She’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse…. but it’s all over at midnight.


He offered her freedom when the only thing she wanted was love…

Cat Fight Club

The first rule of this sexy, fierce remake: Never stop talking about it.

Good Will Shopping

In the midst of mandatory retail therapy, a woman discovers she has
advanced bargain-shopping skills.

She finds a man who will fight for her.

Adrian II
Pretty much the same as the first one.

Adrian III
We’re not sure why there’s a third one.

Adrian IV

Adrian goes to Russia!

Adrian V

She must come to terms with her future as the nurse to a braindead former

The Goonie-sitters Club

A group of babysitters lose their kids and call the police like responsible
teenagers. There’s also a cute boy next door who helps.


Antonia finds a great scarf.

Dirty Hairy

Summer is coming, but she hasn’t shaved her legs in months… Do you feel

What About Barb

A woman takes baby steps toward, you guessed it, a baby.