Coming Soon From the Makers of Capitalism: Plutocracy!

Hey, proletariat! Do you long to return to a time of hyperbolized prosperity that took place long before you were born, and probably didn’t even exist? Have we got a socioeconomic model for you! From the people who brought you capitalism, we present: PLUTOCRACY! Government of the wealthy, by the wealthy, and for the wealthy!

 

Tired of representation? Thanks to plutocracy, your elected officials are drawn from a pool of prominent business leaders surreptitiously installed to reinforce the status quo. Does egalitarianism along lines of race, class, gender identity, and sexual orientation keep you awake at night? In a plutocratic government, you can rest easy. Get back in the kitchen, ladies! Make some space in that closet, homosexuals and gender non-conformists! Thanks to plutocratic special interest groups, voter suppression and dark money-funded propaganda will quash any chance you might have had to gain equal rights via the ballot box. Speaking of which, have you checked to see if you’re still registered to vote? You might be in for a surprise! 

 

We know what you’re thinking. “Wait a second, makers of the means of production. I thought we lived in a Constitutional democracy?” You see, simpletons, that arc of history you’ve heard about is a metaphor, but its shape has been determined by the wealthy, powerful elite since day one. That old adage of “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer?” It’s old because it’s true! Thanks to plutocracy working at the fringes of society for generations, you probably didn’t even notice…until now! Hell, we’re already essentially in a kleptocracy. We’re willing to bet that one snuck up on you as well! 

 

Call off those plans to vote in the midterm election and head back to the factory line. By the end of the day, you’ll be too tired and bound to your company health insurance to engage in any form of organized civil disobedience. In the words of some of our role models, “Arbecht macht frei!” If you think plutocracy is a game changer, just wait until 2028 when it gives way to outright fascism! 

 

Keep up the endless toil, and enjoy! Sponsored by your friends at Tesla, Meta, Amazon, the cryptocurrency industry, and the lifelong servitude of laborers like you.