Customer Reviews of the New Tesla Dealership at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
“President Trump hosted an exclusive car show at the White House on Tuesday afternoon. The only company represented: Tesla. The only purpose: helping Elon Musk.” – The New York Times
“Terrible service. The salesman seemed to be high on something, and it definitely wasn’t life.”
“False advertising! Their ads promised extreme cost cutting, then they tried up-charging for tires. Voted with my feet and left.”
“The manager kept praising his salesman for ‘cutting costs by $500 billion dollars.’ Math was never my strong suit, but something doesn’t add up.”
“Terrible selection! There were five cars on the entire lot. Five! There’s more diversity on a Lee Greenwood album.”
“The staff ignored me and were doing what appeared to be a press conference or maybe a car commercial? I don’t know what was going on, but it definitely didn’t feel like they were putting the customer first. 1 star.”
“The manager kept saying he was ‘the only one who could fix it.’ Are the cars unreliable? I already have a trustworthy mechanic. Hard pass.”
“They only accept ‘meme coins’ with some dude’s face on it that looks suspiciously like the manager. Is this a car dealership or a money laundering operation? Steer clear.”
“The salesman mumbled something about the car outlasting social security, which is a weird thing to say. Don’t recommend.”
“The place feels more like a cult than a car dealership. The staff kept thanking the manager for their jobs and praising his ‘incredible leadership,’ even though I repeatedly overheard him threatening to fire them. Seems like a pretty abusive work environment.”
“The two staff I encountered kept bringing up ‘waste and fraud’, almost like they were projecting. Bizarre.”
“One of the employees appears to be a 4-year old boy. Should someone call child protective services?”
“The manager kept rambling about his great sales numbers, his book on deal-making, and how terrible his predecessor was. It wasn’t clear what he was selling, but it looked a lot like an inferiority complex.”
“An employee kept getting into the cars and shouting ‘everything’s computer!’ like he had never seen the product he was selling, or, for that matter, any car manufactured after 2015.”
“Staff were talking about making the stock market boom, deporting illegal aliens, and firing civil servants. I was, like, ‘um, I just came here to buy a car.’ Won’t be going back anytime soon.”
“The manager was super intense. He had several people arrested for protesting outside the dealership, screaming that they were ‘domestic terrorists!’ Scary experience.”
“One of the staff was doing Nazi salutes. Give this place a pass unless you’re looking to drive back to the 1930s.”
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