”Department of Government Efficiency” Job Application

“WIRED has identified six young men—all apparently between the ages of 19 and 24…who have little to no government experience and are now playing critical roles in [Elon] Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) project.” Wired.

 

Which of the following most excites you about DOGE? Rank the below choices from “rockin’” to “bitchin’”:

__ Denying food to starving children

__ Cutting off HIV drugs from people who will die without them

__ Screwing with my elder relatives’ Social Security payments

__ Destroying the careers and livelihoods of public servants

__ If it pays enough, I can move out of my parents’ basement

 

What is your relevant experience for managing a federal government with a combined $6.75 trillion in annual outlays and approximately 3,000,000 employees? Check all that apply.

I have ”liked“ at least 10 Elon Musk posts on X

I have listened to at least three episodes of Joe Rogan

I admire Teslas even though electric cars are the devil’s work

I recently invested all of my fast food wages/high school graduation money/family allowance in crypto

 

Which of the following best captures how your current coworkers would describe you?

Sycophantic

Obsequious

Feckless

Unctuous

Smarmy

 

What is the proper workplace relationship between women and men? Select all that apply.

Both in and out of the workplace, women should be subservient to men

Women’s role is to leave the workplace to bear children, who, if they’re lucky, will grow up to be men

I admire women even though they are the devil’s work

I’m not completely sure; I’ve never had a conversation with a woman

Wait – does a chatbot woman count?

 

Scenario: Someone at work suggests doing something that may not be entirely legal. Which of the following is the correct action?

Furrow your brow and say that’s it’s “troubling,” and that you have “real concerns,” then do it anyway

Do it more quickly than you otherwise would have

If you’re a billionaire, they just let you do it

 

Think of a challenge you’ve encountered in work or personal life. How did you successfully navigate it in a way that everyone was harmed except for you?

 

 

If hired, you will be working with sensitive government information such as Social Security numbers, personal financial records, and national security secrets. Is there any reason why you might not pass a background check? Select all that apply.

I am, or have been, a member of the woke Marxist elite

I am, or have been, Sam Altman

I am, or have been, a woman

 

[Note: As of January 20, 2025, there are no other potentially disqualifying factors]