First Time Riding a Fixed-Gear Bicycle? Don’t Worry, You’re Going to Love It

You’ve never ridden a fixed-gear bicycle before? Don’t worry, it’s super easy and practical. It’s just like riding a bike. Haha, get it?

 

Seriously, it’s exactly like riding a regular bike. Well, there are a couple of exceptions. There aren’t any gears. Or brakes per se. But who needs those things, right?

 

This is bicycling in its purest form. You are the gears. You are the brakes. Let your body and the bike morph into one well-oiled and fine-tuned machine: a bodcycle.

 

It’s not like gears or brakes make riding a bike any easier. I mean, when the best cyclists in the world are competing in the Tour de France, their bikes don’t have gears or brakes. Do they? Oh… well, they didn’t when it started back in 1903. And I think we can all agree that 1903 was the apex of bicycle technology. Heck, all technology. Don’t believe me? Google it.

 

Trust me, you’re going to love riding a fixie. It’s just a more authentic biking experience. Once you’ve removed superfluous doohickeys like gears and brakes, you’ll wonder how you ever rode a bike with all those annoying parts in the first place.

 

You can really get cookin’ on these one-geared wonders. Your pistons are going to be pumping non-stop. Literally, your legs are going to be moving non-stop because the drivetrain connects the pedals and the back wheel. If the wheel is moving, so are the pedals and, ipso facto, so are your legs. This no-coasting cadence machine is like a hamster wheel with tires. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t coast. Amazing, right?

 

Those straps on the pedals help keep your feet locked in place. I like to think of it as bicycling’s bondage. Strap in for a good time!

 

It’s a much better workout, what with all of the perpetual pedaling, than any newfangled bikes with their extraneous bells and whistles.

 

By the way, here is your bell and whistle. If you find yourself careening out of control, you’re going to want to make as much noise as possible. Making noise won’t necessarily help you, but it will alert others to get out of your way.

 

How do you stop? Easy: simply apply negative force against the forward momentum. I find it helps to imagine that you’re trying to run backwards through quicksand. Yes, against the pedals. You get it.

 

I’m still honing the craft of quickly decelerating. What they refer to in the more basic biking world as: stopping.

 

Sure, there are some naysayers who claim that riding a bike without brakes is dangerous, but there’s always going to be wet blankets.

 

Speaking of which, here’s your wet blanket. Don’t ask me what it’s for. When the time comes, you’ll know what to do with it.

 

Really, you’re feeling nervous about riding? Pish posh, applesauce, show the bike Who’s the Boss. You’ll be Tony Danza by the end of this ride. You need to take the advice of this cycling shirt that I bought on Etsy and “Grab life by the handlebars!”

 

You’ve got nothing to worry about. The hardest part is the hill at the start of our route. Is it tough climbing an incline with no gears? It can be a little tricky, but then it’s all downhill from there. Like, there are a lot of steep hills.

 

If you’re concerned about your legs keeping up with the RPMs of the pedals while you’re going downhill, you can always lay yourself across the seat and handlebars, superman-style, just like Italian cyclist Michael Guerra. Really, what could possibly go wrong?

 

Nah, there’s not really anything else that you need to know. I mentioned the sharp turns, right? Oopsy doopsy – I’m so excited for your first ride, I must have forgot.

 

You see, because the pedals are always moving, when you’re turning, one of your pedals might clip the road. Clip-a-dee-doo-dah, clip-a-dee-ay! It’s all part of the fun of living that fixie life.

 

This is cycling at its best. Just the essentials. Gears, brakes – pfft! Who needs em’? I hope you’re wearing some gel-cushioned bike shorts, though. These seats can be a real pain on the old caboose.