Things To Consider When Buying A New Swimsuit

Are your testicles in the same spot of your body that they were the last time that you wore a swimsuit?

Do the various colors of the swimsuit do a good job of taking attention away from the bed-bug bites covering your back and thighs?

Is that odd, sour cabbage type aroma just the bathing suit, or is that simply coming from you?

Is this skimpy enough to attract desired attention, but not so skimpy that you won’t be allowed into Golden Corral?

When you decided to get the My Little Pony tattoo last year, were you also deciding that you could no longer publicly wear a swimsuit of any kind?

Is the combination of a snug bikini thong along with rectally smuggling a baggie of drugs a bad combo?

Will this swimsuit form an adhesive bond when placed onto a corpse? After how much time?

Will this swimsuit be an adequate dam again the tidal waves of swamp-ass?

Does this swimsuit have the necessary range of motion and flexibility to allow you to run full tilt away from the inevitable crazed gunman?

Should you perhaps just stay at home and instead watch far more attractive people in bikinis on one of those reality dating shows?