Geico Gecko Deported by ICE After Spending Christmas with Family in England
Martin, the Geico gecko and beloved star of the Geico Insurance Company’s popular TV commercials, was arrested at JFK International Airport today when he arrived home from a holiday trip to Great Britain where he spent Christmas with his mum and sisters.
The ubiquitous lizard has been in the U.S. on an EB-1visa for twenty-five years. The visa—christened the Einstein—is awarded to people with extraordinary abilities like Nobel laureates, Olympic medalists, and Oscar winners.
“I don’t want to sound catty”, the vibrant green-skinned celebrity said, “but if I, with my award-winning career in television, am denied entry while holding an Einstein visa, then surely “models” from Slovenia should be, too. The only “accomplishments” that this model (whose initials are MT) has achieved are a photo spread in the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated and marrying a rich bloke. In the interest of fairness, she should be escorted out of the country immediately.”
According to bystanders, the charismatic reptile was grabbed by two ICE agents while giving an immigration officer his autograph. The cunning lizard said “Do you know who I am, lads?” confusing the already dim-witted men giving him time to wiggle out of their grasp, leap-frog over their heads, and dart into the crowd that had gathered to watch.
He managed to avoid capture for a while, hitching a ride in a woman’s green leather handbag as she left the terminal. But her screams soon alerted the ICE goons when she opened her bag and discovered a Madagascar day gecko winking up at her. Blowing kisses to the cheering crowd, the gentleman gecko was handcuffed, dragged away, and placed on a plane headed to El Salvador.
But ever resourceful, the chartreuse comedian now manages to slip through the cracks in his prison cell most days where he spends them soaking up the sun as he waits for his producers to facilitate his release. He’s issued a warning to all beings with skin the color of a four leaf clover:
“It’s quite obvious that I was targeted because of my skin color. Apparently, green is a red flag now, too. Who’s next? Barney the purple dinosaur? Bluey the puppy? Stay safe, my friends. And remember, Geico has the most affordable car insurance in all of the colonies.”
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Gail Mackenzie-Smith loves a good joke. That’s why she got her MFA in screenwriting. But she writes other things too. Her humor pieces have been published in Electric Lit, The Belladonna Comedy, Humor Times, The Haven, Defenestration, Little Old Lady Comedy, and of course Weekly Humorist. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, dog, and two coyotes who hang out in front her house every night hoping that the cats across the street will come out and party.
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