Hallmark’s Other Winter Holiday Movies

“Latkes, Actually” (Hanukkah) – Shayna Garfinkel is a workaholic ad executive, driving to an important business meeting… when her car breaks down in the quaint little town of Dreidel Grove. Shayna’s rushing to get her car fixed, when she adorably collides with Shmuli the town mohel, spilling his bag of knives, clamps, and wine-rags across the snow. Then she learns that the town’s annual Latke Festival is being shut down by the jealous, evil bigshots at HashBrownCo.  The only thing that can save Dreidel Grove – and Hanukkah! – is if Shayna will roll up her sleeves and help make the World’s Biggest Latke. With Shmuli, whom she is now in love with. And a little help from a mysterious old man, who happens to look just like Judah Maccabee!

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“Dashiki Through The Snow” (Kwanzaa) – Candice Robinson knows what she wants most out of life – getting to work even more hours. That is, until she comes back home for the holidays to her small, quaint hometown of Pan-Africanist Heights. She’s only planning to spend three days before returning to her boyfriend Kevin, a rich, unfaithful, emotionally unavailable manufacturer of weapons for ISIS. But that’s when she learns that Mama has been diagnosed with terminal Melodramitis – and can only be cured by seeing the town’s giant Kinara lit. Candice is forced to join hateful nice man Peter, the town’s leading caftan salesman, in organizing a Wax Drive. Eventually, they gather enough wax, Mama gets better, Candice falls for Peter – and it’s revealed that he’s secretly the Prince of Africa!

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“A Little Hitchcraft” (Pagan Winter Solstice) – Brenda Gladstone loves big cities and hates small towns. So when her NYC-LA flight has to make an unscheduled maintenance landing in the small, quaint town of Wicca Valley, she’s pretty steamed! Not helping is pathetically kind/shockingly handsome taxi driver/single dad Odin, who ferries her to her hotel for the night – but not before stopping to help smudge a neighbor’s house with the help of his unrelentingly adorable twin girls, Crone and Maiden. Over the course of one day that somehow feels like six, the girls’ lovable antics maneuver Brenda and Odin into casting a circle, donning black robes, and sharing a kiss atop the altar under a midnight blood moon.

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“Sanskrit Baby” (Diwali) Krishna Ahuja loves her job at SoullessMoneyCorp almost as much as she hates the holidays. Which is why she’s always avoided spending Diwali in her small, quaint hometown of Hindu Hills. Until this year, when she had to come home to sign some made-up-sounding legal papers. With a lawyer who happens to be her insufferably thoughtful and mature old high school boyfriend Arjun. Every day, a mysterious package of mithai sweets mysteriously marked “A” finds its way to Krisha, only making her angrier. Then, on the night of the town’s lighting of its gigantic diya, the lamp falls over, causing a fire that a mysterious stranger mysteriously rescues Krisha from. She awakens to find Arjun taking care of her, and can’t resist his charms any longer. Then through the window, we see the mysterious stranger who brought her here – who happens to look just like the goddess Lakshmi!

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“Rome is Where the Heart Is” (Saturnalia) – Augustina Septima Flavius is a Roman citizen in the year 122 C.E. who oversees grain taxation in the colonies, but can’t see the coldness in her own heart. That is, until one December when she and her phalanx of publicans invade the small, quaint, tax-evading town of Emotius Acres. There she keeps crossing paths with an annoyingly sweet plebe named Marcellus. Even though sigillaria are only given out during the December holiday of Saturnalia, Marcellus somehow runs a year-round sigillaria shop. Unfortunately, it’s on the verge of being demolished by big evil corporation Sigillaria Maxima – which also has a secret plan to destroy Saturnalia. Augustina – more of a “Team Jupiter” gal herself – doesn’t care… until she finds a wounded puppy whose only wish is to lick the altar of Saturn right after the World’s Biggest Sacrifice is made. Augustina swallows her disdain and helps the Emotians collect the Sacrifice, and the puppy recovers. And then we learn that it was sent to her by Marcellus to teach Augustina the true meaning of Saturnalia. They kiss at midnight atop a glimmering, magical pile of freshly sacrificed blood and gore.

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