INCREDIBLE! Tide Pods Are More Than A Delicious After Dinner Snack
The following post was found on the Tide Pod Recipes subreddit.
It’s hard to say for sure, but I believe I have made an incredible discovery involving Tide Pods. Last night, I was settling in for bed when the hunger struck. We’ve all been there—ready to move on with our day when the craving for one last Tide Pod creeps in. I’ve yet to discover another snack somehow equal parts savory, minty, and citrusy. How could I say no?
Just as I went to pop that fresh Pod in my mouth I had an incredible idea: I could use a straw from one of my son’s juice boxes to poke a hole in the Tide Pod and drink that sweet nectar without having to worry whether my stomach would digest the plastic (notably the most dangerous thing about ingesting Tide Pods). I rushed to the mini-fridge in the laundry room to grab a juice box but tripped on an empty laundry hamper, sending my delicious Tide Pod flying into the open washing machine. In the resulting fall I bashed my head on the lid, shutting it, as my left hand flew towards the “start wash” button. When I came to, the water was flowing. There was no going back. “Great,” I thought to myself. “Now I’ll have to explain to my wife why there’s Pod juice all over her clothes.” Kicking myself for the inevitable mess and for wasting a perfectly good Tide Pod, I went straight to bed.
When I awoke the next morning I opened the washing machine to find the clothes cleaner than they had ever been. I’m not sure what happened, but I believe the Tide Pod may have actually worked to purify the fabrics, making them softer and more colorful than I could have imagined. It’s impossible to think these adult Gushers double as a cleaning solution. You don’t wash dishes by dipping them in gravy and scrubbing them with Doritos. This incident led me to reevaluate the way I consume Tide Pods, and I moved my Tide Pods from the kitchen to the mini-fridge in the laundry room. There, I can experiment with how the laundry reacts to Tide Pods while they’re located right by the juice boxes. Without fear of tripping, I will be able to extract the Tide Pod nectar in a way that best emulates my true Fursona: the hummingbird.
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Kevin Cole is a comedy writer and satirist working out of Frederick, MD. He is the founder of The Annual, a different comedy website and most recently wrote the play Great Again which was performed at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre before it was plagiarized by reality. You can find his tweets @KevinDotCole.
