We are not the same. We are both made with a combination of eggs, perhaps a splash of milk, a variety of vegetables, sometimes a sprinkle of ham, and if you’re disgusting, more bacon than eggs. But that’s where the similarities end. 

aMAZing. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.

Bid farewell to your favorite snack foods. Hungry? Satiate yourself with six almonds and a stick of celery. Welcome to flavor country, partner.

Scabbage, Dead Crumbs, Creature from the Black Legume, and more #GhoulishGroceries on this week's trending joke game!

Skort - a skirt that is also shorts / Jorts - shorts made from jeans/ Jort-Ski - when you ride a Kawasaki personal watercraft wearing jorts (see also, JortRunner) and more!

Magic Ate Ball: A Magic 8 Ball covering in rich, delicious caramel and drizzled with candy sprinkles. When will you be able to pass this beast? Reply hazy.

You think I’m lying? Well, he actually thought you might say that and he told me to tell you that you can take it up with him if that’s the case. He doesn’t like when people don’t trust his prognoses. Takes that kind’ve thing really seriously. So you can take that up with him.

The turkey guys! You smell it? Smells, just like the real thing — and bet you’ll never be able to tell it’s made entirely out of Pretzel Goldfish®. But the secret’s in the sauce, folks — there’s nothing a Nutribullet can’t liquify. Six-packs of Disney Princess x Goldfish®, one pack of beer, and bits of Grandma Lottie’s heirloom china make the best, foolproof gravy.

Dickles, Pop-Farts, Vomints, and more #GrossGroceries on today's trending joke game!

Nutty texture with a burning mouth-feel... Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Humplings, Legs Benedict, Flirt Steak, and more #LustyLunches on this week's trending joke game!

Tier 1 - Snack Me Off - $10.00/month: This entry-level subscription will give you full access to the photo catalogue of our powdered, glazed, and salt-studded talent. Enjoy the long, seductive curves, and girthy pretzel twists that you’ve grown to miss so deeply. Gaze lustfully at our house-made lemonade dripping wet over a mound of long, steaming pretzel dogs. Uh oh, silly us-- it looks like our sweet-cream glaze is oozing all over again. But don’t get full, because it doesn’t stop there. If you buy-in now, you’ll gain access to our newest, sexiest photo-set “The Pretzel Orgy” (these are just photos of pretzels in a big pile).

Brittle Shop of Horrors, Fry Fry Birdie, Pies & Dolls, and more #FoodAMusical on this week's trending joke game!

QAnonfat yogurt dip, KamalaTov Cocktails, Black Olives Matter, and more!

French Nip, BLTease, Jon Hamm & Chesse, and more #SexySandwiches on this week's trending joke game!

I know I was supposed to bring an upside-down pineapple cake to the potluck, but I opened the fridge and all I had were turnips. Turnips, a bottle of ranch, and a dead bird I found in the yard a few weeks ago.

Olivia Johnson wanted to appear sophisticated to her high school friends she hadn’t seen in years. She turned to the last page of the menu, the page where the misfits of the diner hang out. Crab cakes, Kung Pao chicken, and of course, me. 

Hater Tots, Scream Beans, & Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Angry Lonely Chicken! It's #MoodyMenuItems on this week's joke game!

Leeches and Cream Pie, Crapple pie, Key Lyme and more #RuinAPie on this week's hashtag joke game!

America's Fuzziest Home Videos (Sundays, ABC) Home videos that seem to probably be hilarious, but that were filmed so out of focus that it's hard to tell. Adding just the right amount of wacky sound effects will probably help out quite a bit, we hope. You won't be offended at all, though, so take some degree of comfort in that. (Hosted by DJ Jazzy Jeff from his home via Skype)

Felt cute, might eat. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton and Adam Cooper.

Ranch Dressing: You miss living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Light Ranch Dressing: You sometimes miss living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. and more!

'How To Lose A Pie In 10 Days', 'Dove, Actually', '50 first cakes', and more #RomComDesserts!

We might be in a rut. Today's cartoon by Ellis Rosen.

Here at Rockefeller Turkey Farm, not only are our turkeys vegetarian fed, organic, and free range, they are the only turkeys anywhere who've each earned a liberal arts degree.

From Ordinary Into Extraordinary! Delicious Magic. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

After the health food craze of the '80s gave way to the comfort…

Someone else’s leftovers Costco samples A lettuce leaf that…

The following post was found on the Tide Pod Recipes subreddit. It’s…