Internal Post-mortem Report: NatalCon 2025

“Far-right influencers are hosting a $10K-per-person matchmaking weekend to repopulate the earth.The Natal Conference, which costs up to $10,000 to attend, features multiple matchmaking strategy sessions and onsite ministers so attendees can get married, WIRED has learned.” ~Wired, March 28, 2025.

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Project/Event Name: NatalCon 2025
Date: March 28-29, 2025
Prepared by: NatalCon Organizer/Eugenicist Kevin Dolan
Team/Department: Org team

Overview

NatalCon is a new conference, having just completed its second annual event, and certain glitches are to be expected. We knew there would be some resistance, with people citing concerns about things such as “the optics of Neo-Nazism” and the event being a “completely insane idea even for this group of Incels.” Because we are entirely comprised of male White Nationalists, we remain undeterred by both moral imperatives and concrete reality. To that end, this memo will articulate the challenges we encountered and how we plan to address them in organizing our 2026 event.

Goals & Outcomes

• Intended Goals: Get white women to procreate with conservative white men in order to repopulate the earth accordingly.

   

• Actual Outcomes: See detailed breakdown below.

Successes

1. TBD awaiting post-conference conception rates. Will update.

Challenges 

1. We unfortunately crashed Grindr again.

 

2. Barely any women showed up, a problem for an event whose main goal is procreation. This was a problem last year too, and we thought that having ministers on hand to immediately marry them off would be a draw, but it seems to have made the women even more suspicious and reluctant to attend.

    

3. One of the few women in the facility–a catering employee–spiked the punch with birth control.

    

4. Local news captured B-roll of the parking lot on conference day, and it was disproportionately populated by lifted trucks and men with goatees wearing white Oakleys and screaming at Siri to find various YouTube channels. The scene inspired several viral memes and one viral TikTok video backgrounded by Taylor Swift’s “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.”

    

5. There are too many women cracking jokes on mainstream social media about NatalCon, calling it a “total sausage fest” and making references to The Handmaid’s Tale.
   

Root Cause Analysis

Women don’t like us anymore. We have not yet succeeded in spinning “angry, aggressive, Neo-Nazi virgins” as a desirable target. This is a PR problem more than anything else, and it’s one we’re confident we can solve.

Action Items and Recommendations based on “Challenges” listed above:

1. Cut WiFi connection at commencement of conference. In addition to Grindr, we also had to compete too much with PornHub, Ben Shapiro podcasts, and a Wheezer playlist on Spotify.

 

2. To entice more women next year, we’re considering soliciting performers we know women love, such as Lee Greenwood and Kid Rock. We also plan to continue eroding women’s freedoms in the hope that their collective self-worth diminishes to the degree that they’ll be willing to procreate with us.

 

3. Guard drinks from birth-control poisoning. Not a problem since we all carry guns.

 

4. Diversify demographics of attendees. We intend to intersperse the above-mentioned goateed monster truck drivers with a more inclusive group of white men who wear different colors of Oakleys and drive cars such as Dodge Chargers and Lexus sedans.

    

5. We admit we’re stymied on how to manage the women. The crux of the problem is that we can’t get them to take us seriously. We’re willing to do literally anything except treat them like autonomous human beings. We assume we will have to become even more threatening and unhinged.

Conclusion

To paraphrase a Rush song that still gives me chills, “We’re not giving in to security under pressure / We’re not giving up on implausible dreams / Experience to extremes /Experience to extremes.” Onward, my Brothers!