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Scaramucci’s Ten Day’s Worth Of Accomplishments

Booked a spot on Celebrity Big Brother


Straightened the paper clip drawers (big paper clips are in the right-hand drawer, smaller paper clips in the left).


Got a lot of things off of his chest, now ready to start over with a clean slate.


Stepped out the way so that Ted Nugent could get the last bag of Chili Cheese Fritos in the White House vending machines; made brief eye contact.




Because an exaggerated, cartoonish caricature of an Italian American, per the President’s explicit order.


Had a couple of guys killed. Now whose lawn doesn’t meet the specifications of the Neighborhood Association, Larry?


The gal at Burger King upped order to large size for no charge a couple of times.


Finally able to successfully cancel the White House’s subscription to Vibe magazine.