Jurassic Thrill Park Memo

To: Lewis Dodgson, CEO

CC: Board of Directors

Jim Ackins

    Asmir Queionueion

    Dave Smith

    Hiro Acukau

    D.P. Waters

From: Gwen Tokken, V.P., Parks & Attractions

RE: Jurassic Park

Colleagues,

I know it wasn’t Biosyn Genetics intention to own the property known as “Jurassic Park” but with the buyout of InGen for their medical and cloning research, the deal was structured to include Isla Nublar and the Jurassic Park theme park.  Having gone over all the specs and designs, I believe Biosyn Genetics can capitalize on this property in a way InGen failed to.

I think I’ve discovered why the parks keep failing. And it’s an easy fix: Roller coasters!

We can install several types of roller coasters. So many other theme parks have re-imagined themselves with the addition of thrill rides.  I mean, Disney dumped “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride” and “Snow White’s Scary Adventure” and put in “Guardians of the Galaxy: Galaxy Rewind” and “Tron.”  Have you been on those things?  They are totally sick!  And sick-making.

I am completely certain that Jurassic Park’s problems can be solved with attractions where you have to be “this tall to ride.”  We need to bring in the younger generation, whatever letter we’re up to, and those kids love thrill rides!  They love the danger and risk!  And what’s more risky and dangerous than roller coasters?!?  I mean besides fleeing from carnivores?  Which, again, I point out, is a poor business plan.

I truly believe this is something the previous owners of the park neglected.  Dinosaurs, dinosaurs, dinosaurs.  Where are the fun rides?  The log flumes?  The bumper cars?  Hey, I worked with Disney, Universal, Knott’s Berry Farm, and Harvey’s Roller Coaster Graveyard, so I think I’m over-qualified when it comes to theme parks.  Sure, you have the whole “cloned dinosaur” thing going on, but then what?  You can’t risk becoming a one-and-done attraction.  People are looking for a vacation destination, but where’s the incentive for return visitors?  I would also point out, based on past history, getting your patrons devoured does not encourage repeat visitors.  A Stand-up roller coaster will.

We have dinosaurs that can get wet, right?  Then start thinking in terms of a water park add-on.  Have you been to Isla Nublar?  It’s like a steam bath down there.  How no one thought to put in a water park is beyond me.  They didn’t even have “cooling stations”!

John Hammond depended too heavily on living, breathing dinosaurs for the attraction.  Frankly, we could have done all that with animatronics.  More cost effective, easier to maintain, less bloodshed.  We could cut our goat budget by seventy-five percent!  With animatronics, you’d be down to maybe one evacuation a year.

Also, benches.  More benches so the parents and grandparents can sit and watch.

It’s easy to see how all this was overlooked in the big scheme of things.  The companies brought in bio-technologists, paleontologists, DNA specialists, mathematicians, and botanists; where were the carnies?  The ride operators?  And that doesn’t cost much.  We gets a bunch of college kids on spring break at minimum wage and it’s covered.  See the attached spreadsheets.

I strongly recommend that the board takes a look at what our “theme park” lacks.

Oh, and turkey legs.  People love munching on those things as they walk around the park.

Regards,

Gwen Tokken